Lost In the Shuffle
by Rachel-Jane Kensington
Summary: My best friends were pleading with me. "There's a reason we steer clear of the drama geeks." They said. And it was true. But they didn't even know him, they couldn't begin to understand. RyanOFC
1. Not My Type

This is just me messing around. Please don't take this as a true representation of my work, lol. Ps- I like Kelsi and I really like her with Ryan, I just wanted to try something different. So she's around, but her and the blonde wonder are just friends. (Fans of my Covenant story will probably think this is cute if they're into HSM…which isn't likely considering the fanbase lol but still) Oh and chapters will progressively get longer, just give it time. Happy reading!

**Not My Type**

Young, sexy, talented. Boys like Ryan were a dime a dozen in New York. It didn't matter how much style they had, or how girls had to struggle to breathe when watching them walk or perform or practice. You got used to them after a while and if you were smart you learned to stay away. Being in my second year at Columbia U, I liked to think I was a smart girl and so, I practiced the art of keeping away from les gastons de theatre. Besides, it's not like I could fit into a room with any of them anyway. Their egos took up way too much of my breathing space.

Still, it was impossible to get that blonde hair, those swinging hips and that charming smile out of my head hours after seeing him perform on stage. In my head I had a clear cut out of what he had looked like, the t-shirt and vest he'd been wearing over designer jeans. This boy was no starving artist. He kind of reminded me of a beauty queen…or just a queen in general. Laughing to myself, I tried to hold it together as the possibilities reeled through my mind. I hadn't even realized it for 3.4 hours…but Ryan Evans probably _was _on the flip side. Bleached hair, glossy lips, too stylish for his own good, way too comfortable striking sexy poses on stage? Yah, that one should have been a duh. I guess I'd just been too wrapped up in my own thoughts, my own extremely heterosexual fantasies.

An unhurt but disappointed frown pulled my face down as I sat in Columbia's Watson Library of Business and Economics, flipping through thick books on the subject of cap and trade. As many people as NYC was busting at the seams with, it was still hard to find anyone special. Especially if you wanted that someone to be male. My frown only got deeper as I thought about all the disastrous dates I'd been on in the past year and a half. Ugh, pathetic.

I guess…I'd just really wanted to at least entertain the possibility of maybe having found something worthwhile. Heh, whatever. It was probably better that I couldn't anyway. Like I said before, he was a stage doll and theater majors were _majorly_ off limits. Even if he was impressively stylish…and so talented…and sexy enough that I'd be thinking about him and that original song he'd totally owned just 3.4 hours before at open mic night on a local café stage.

It didn't matter that my friends and I had met him after his performance. It didn't matter that he'd been a little out of breath as he came off stage and shook our hands. It especially didn't matter that he was a lot of fun to flirt with. None of it mattered. Sadly, neither did my thesis on cap and trade ethics, in the grand scheme of things. But that didn't mean either was going to magically disappear any time soon.


	2. WindChill

**Wind-Chill**

Making the squad at Columbia really hadn't been that difficult. I'd been cheering and tumbling almost all my life and hey, it's not like New York's slice of the Ivy league is renowned for its cheerleaders. It's considered a D1 school…but they don't even require tumbling. Psh. All joking aside though, I loved my team and I loved cheering for the school. I loved the exhilaration of a game. I loved dancing along to music and jumping up and down when the football team did something right. I loved painting my face before match ups. I loved the smell of hairspray that filled up the entire female locker room. And every single Saturday, I got chills when I heard the national anthem being belted from the middle of the field.

Today the goose bumps broke out and I shivered for more than just one reason. First of all, it was week 9 of the NCAA's football season, which meant it was October, which in NYC meant it was freezing outside. No matter how still we were supposed to stand during the Star Spangled Banner, we were all shaking uncontrollably from the wind chill. But the wind was nothing compared to the slap in the heart I felt when I caught a glimpse of who was taking the microphone at center field. His voice hit the speakers and without even realizing it my mouth dropped open a little out of surprise. The crowd cheered, the flag began to rise and I nearly stopped breathing.

It was obvious his voice had been classically trained because he wasn't singing pop style and it was beautiful. I felt like I could have fallen into that sound and the strength of it would have caught me. There was something genuine about his voice, something pure. It made me trust that he wasn't into music just for the money or the spotlight, but because he felt the same way everyday people did when they listened to their favorite songs. Music meant something to him and I could feel it just in his voice.

"And the rocket's red glaaare! The bombs bursting in air! Gave proof through the niiight that our flag was still there!" His belting voice ripped through the air. The growl that clawed up from the depths of his throat out of pure passion for the song on his lips caused the back of my neck to prickle a little.

"O'er the laaand of the freeee!" At this point, the emotion he was evoking from my nerve endings was so intense that I was having trouble breathing. "And the hooome of the braaave."

I'm pretty sure no one on the squad screamed louder than I did after he had finished. I watched him, completely floored as he inhaled deeply, waved to the crowd and smiled as he thanked them for their standing ovation. Working the crowd for just a few more seconds, Ryan walked off the field trying in earnest to fight a grin from tearing open his lopsided smile. My eyes lingered for just a few moments longer, until he'd left the sidelines for good before turning back to the crowd. We had a game to win, this was the last place I was going to let a theatre geek distract me.

* * *

***A/N: You can actually find a video of him singing the national anthem over at youtube. I highly suggest it, he did a beautiful job. Thanks for reading and please review! I promise the chapters do get longer as we go. Cheers and happy reading!**

**-Rachel**


	3. Hot White Chocolate

**Hot White Chocolate**

"I very much hope that you're as bored as you look." The murmur fell carefully on my ears, draped in amusement. All I sensed was his warm breath on the back of my earlobe, warmth rolling off of the skin not two inches behind mine. But I knew almost immediately that somehow by a beautiful, blessed twist of fate the voice beside me belonged to Ryan. Spinning around I smirked at him, curious as to how he'd ended up at the same party as me and what exactly was in his plastic, red Dixie cup. Eyeing him for a moment, I gave up a small laugh and shook my head as I tried to ignore how good he looked in the dark light of this pathetic frat house.

"And why is that, Mr. Evans?" I asked, looking at him from under my lashes as I took a sip of my drink.

"So you'll be less inclined to stay when I ask you if you'd like to go somewhere with me, Ms. Brunswick."

"Oh really?" I asked, my eyebrows raising.

"That's the plan." He shrugged, smirking devilishly.

"And if I accepted your request, what someplace would we be visiting?"

"I thought we might grace Starbucks with our presence. Unless your sick of drinking things, of course." It was his turn to quirk an eyebrow. Carefully, I set my cup down on the counter and continued to eye him with curiosity, crossing my arms under my chest.

"And if I am?"

"I hear Regent's Park is nice this time of year. But it's up to you really. For all I care we could ride the subway all night…Just as long you come with me."

Blinking a few times, it took me a moment to gather myself. This boy was good at charming what he wanted out of a girl. It was so odd too…considering that flamboyant outfit and how he filled it out. Not that Ryan had a bad frame…he just wasn't really what anyone would peg as my type. I liked athletes with plenty of muscle who could handle a six pack of beer and knew their way through a hand of poker. Macho men. It was a weakness, what can I say? Other than: The blonde, pale, mess of performing arts in front of me wouldn't have even gotten a smile out of me normally. But lucky for him, he was irresistible and I was half-way to drunk.

* * *

"So this drink is amazing. You're going to have to come with me every time I go to Starbucks to help me order it."

"It's just a grande white hot chocolate." He chuckled softly, "But I would gladly be your coffee house entourage."

"Haha, thanks. Much appreciated." Smiling, I took another sip before rolling my eyes. "Thanks for rescuing me from that party by the way, that was such a mess."

"Aw, don't worry about it. I saw you at the game and thought, hey. It's worth a shot right? Lucky for me that party was lame."

"Agreed. So you saw me at the game?"

"Second cheerleader from the left, first row on the sidelines. Yah, I saw you."

"Oh." Looking down at my cup, I tried to hide my smile as well as the intense blush covering my cheeks.

"Was I _not_ supposed to notice you while you jumped up and down in a mini-skirt and screamed?" He asked, obviously confused but easing into it with a joking tone before making a 'eeech' face. "My bad."

"No!" I laughed the slightest bit and shook my head, "It's not that, I just had no idea you saw me. I was kind of gawking at you like an idiot, so I felt a little embarrassed is all…you were really amazing."

"Thank you." He nodded with sincere gratitude and I could tell from the look in his eyes, even though he'd heard it a thousand times he really appreciated the feedback.

"You know, my sister was classically trained. You are too, I could hear it in your diction. Very impressive."

"Well, well, well. A cheerleader who knows her stuff. You're not the only one impressed." He jabbed my side playfully as we continued down the sidewalk.

"Speaking of…why were you at the game today anyway? I mean, you don't go to Columbia right? I didn't think we even had a musical department."

"You don't." He assured me, smirking wryly. "But Juilliard does. As well as a dance department, which is what I'm studying."

"You're studying dance at Juilliard?!" I nearly choked on the words alone.

"Yep." He nodded, looking proud in a way that was the antithesis of obnoxious. He just seemed happy with himself and where his life had taken him. No arrogant chip on his shoulder, no hint of hope that this news might help him score. Just a sweet, simple smile.

"That's kind of amazing." I nodded, trying to get used to the idea that I had a friend at Juilliard. Like _the_ Juilliard. The one from the movies. After the shock wore off however, I decided to go in for the kill, hoping he'd be able to take it. He'd lasted this long right? What was one more tiny jab from some kid cheering at Columbia? "So what are you like…a ballerina?"

He looked very unamused for 2.8 seconds before chuckling.

"Actually, I'm concentrating in modern jazz as well as voice. But if you have a tutu I could borrow…"

"Shut uuup." I shoved him playfully this time, nearly off of the entire sidewalk. He just snickered, quite happy with himself as he fell back into pace beside me. "So, if you're such a good dancer, why don't you show me a lil somethin' somethin'?"

"Right now? On the sidewalk?" He asked, stopping a few steps before I did the same and turned to him.

"That's right, princess. Let's see what you got!" I egged him on, doubtful he was going to go beyond tap dancing. Suddenly, he'd popped the collar on his dark brown leather jacket up and was using the slickness left behind by cleared snow to moonwalk away from me. Just as I was cocking an eyebrow, he stopped and crossed his ankles to spin around in three perfect circles before pretending to trip backwards and somehow making it took graceful. Coming out of the trip, he shook his hips a little and let the shimmy flow down into his legs where he ended things neatly with a jazzy, little hand thing.

"Bravo!" I shouted as I clapped loudly right there on the street corner.

"You wanted a performance." He shrugged, fixing his collar and walking back over to me with a very obvious smile on his face.

"And I certainly got one, Usher. Talk about your hot white chocolate." I snorted a giggle through my nose as I bumped my hip against his and we looped arms.

* * *

***Thanks to Val. B for the review! Two reviews and i'll post the next chapter :-P**


	4. Key Strokes

**Key Strokes**

"Face it Ryan, I'm just not meant to do this." The grumble escaped my lips just after I slammed all ten of my fingers down on the keys out of frustration. An ugly sound pulled down the air, along with the sides of my mouth. Taking a deep breath, I leaned back and crossed my arms under my chest. I was hunching in front of the grand piano that sat in the corner of his dorm house's dance studio. Only one of the four sets of lights had been switched on, creating a dim glow that reflected softly against the waxed, hardwood floor.

"You can do this Kate." All that met his faith was a scoff rising from the back of my doubtful throat. "Just close your eyes and let me guide you. Stop thinking about it and just let yourself go."

Knowing he wasn't going to let me quit, I forced my back to straighten upright once more as I waited for his signal. His hands were warm as they covered mine, his stomach flush up against my back as he leaned over my shoulder.

"One more time, from the top." He murmured beside my ear. Nodding, I poised my fingers and tried to concentrate on the music. Tried to block out the scent of him as it filled my lungs and made me dizzy. Tried to focus all my energy on the ivory keys beneath my fingertips. Tried to undo the sensual images clouding the back of my eyelids as I held them closed, just like he had asked me to.

None of that was working, but it didn't matter. After counting off, his hands moved mine along with near perfection. The music flowed between us, caressing my ears with gentle light notes that were tempered down by more complex chords on the deeper end of the ivory pool. The notes were slow and sounded almost random. In fact, I would have suspected them of being so had we not been practicing this same pattern for the past twenty minutes. It was an original composure, not by Ryan but one of his friends from school. Some girl…Kayla? Kylie? Eh, it didn't matter. Though I'd have to thank her if I ever got the chance.

Although I never would have put down stumbling my way through piano keys as an ideal date, it was easily one of the best I'd ever been on. It was fun learning to make music with just my hands. It was kind of exciting, making sense out of the mystical phenomenon of classical music I'd only ever admired from afar, convinced it was a secret only meant for people who had been magnetically attracted to that kind of thing since age four. And though I didn't want to admit it…it was also really sexy, having Ryan teach me something this beautiful, something this intimate. Never had I imagined the idea of making love on a dance studio floor would appeal to me, but suddenly I was scaring myself with how badly the desire was coursing through my veins.

I could already picture it in my head. His body over mine, pale skin gently glowing under the dim lights. My lips parted between his, molding gently as our tongues danced together slowly. My hands would splay through his hair and his fingertips would run along the side of my torso, teasing me the way he always did. Those blue eyes would be all I could see as our clothing fell off around us. His brow would bead with sweat as I bit into my lip, my body trying to fit around him.

A shudder raced down my spine and Ryan's fingers tripped over mine out of surprise. My eyelids flew open and I searched the keys, surprised at how deeply a mere fantasy had shaken me.

"I'm sorry." I mumbled slowly, turning around at even more pathetic a pace.

"Don't apologize." A crooked smile lit up his face as he ran a hand back through his hair.

"I…" My eyes snagged on the bit of floor my mind had picked out for us before I gathered myself and turned my gaze back to him. "I should be going."

"It's only half past nine." He reminded me, the faint remnants of his smile showing amiable confusion.

"Yah, I just have a test tomorrow and I'm kind of tired." My head bobbed in a slight nod as I gathered my jacket from beside me on the bench.

"Five more minutes." He told me, not even leaving room for question as his eyes pinned me in place. How was I supposed to say no to him when I didn't even want to?

I smiled softly and closed the space between us with a few steps forward. Sliding a hand up to fit the curve of his neck, I craned my neck up the extra inch my lips needed to meet his. Our mouths separated and came back together again a few times, testing the waters before his hands slid around my waist and pulled me against his chest. Smiling into our kiss, I tilted my head to the side and allowed his tongue to slide with gentle passion against mine. Maybe I'd stay just a little bit longer.


	5. Vogue

**Vogue**

The bright red, Volkswagen Bug probably shouldn't have surprised me quite as much as it did. I mean, this was Ryan we were talking about. AKA: Flamboyance embodied. Still, it was really cute and I was kind of excited to be driving around in Liza (the name he'd christened his car with, after Ms. Minnelli) for the day. She was a convertible, but sadly it was a little too cold to let her go topless for the evening. Manhattan's high had reached a brisk 53° Fahrenheit around one pm and had only been dropping since then. Considering that we were driving down to Coney Island Beach to watch the sun set over the Atlantic, it was probably going to get even colder with every passing minute.

After hanging out in Ryan's dorm room for a little while, we'd come outside to settle in and begin our trek down to the peninsula. However, as soon as we got to the parking lot he stopped a few steps shy of Liza and cursed under his breath.

"What's the matter?" I asked, turning to him with a crease in my eyebrow. Fishing around in the pockets of his pants, I was at first only met with a frown. Not that I minded having a moment of silence to fully appreciate just how snuggly his pants fit around him. A few weeks ago I'd had to hold back laughter every time I looked at him…now I was holding back things considered much more taboo in public than laughing.

"I left my wallet in the room. I'll have to run back and get it. Do you mind waiting? I know it's cold outside." He winced as he offered up the keys to his car, feeling rude about making me wait outside in this weather alone.

"I'm brave." I assured him with a smirk, snatching the keys from his fingertips and stealing a quick peck from his mouth. "Don't take too long."

"Two minutes." He promised before turning and jogging back up the stairs we'd just descended. Smiling to myself, I couldn't help but watch him go…damn, I loved how tight those pants were.

Shaking my head, I turned to continue my journey towards Liza. Popping open the passenger's side, my shoulders slumped as I was met with, not a warm shelter from the harsh wind racing in off the ocean and getting caught between NYC's buildings, but a stack of notebooks and papers that needed relocation before I could sit down. Picking the pile up I tried to get things into a somewhat orderly pile as I made to set them down on soft, tan leather of the backseats. But just as I was reaching around my own seat, all the loose papers slipped out of one his notebooks and I sighed, wondering if I was ever going to get out of the old. Folding my seatback forward, I leaned around and started picking up the papers.

Immediately, bright splashes of color erupted in my hands and my eyes couldn't help but rove over the thick pieces of sketch paper. Sleek and tall creatures covered the pages, wearing chic clothes and striking intimidating poses. It took me a moment, but suddenly I realized I was holding fashion designs. Hand drawn in what looked like colored pencil, possibly re-outlined in black pen for emphasis. Outfits based on animals that still managed to look gorgeous. Cocktail dresses inspired by looks of the late 17th century. Tops combining the style of the roaring 20s and the risqué allowances of the present day. Each page offered up something different, a whole new concept thought up for each character in my hands complete with side notes scribbled here and there in Ryan's unique script.

Cocking my head to the side, I arranged the stack as neatly as I could and set it back between the pages of his notebook before taking my seat and (finally) closing the car door. As I fastened my seatbelt, I tried to figure out the emotions left behind by what I'd just been looking at. On the one hand I was immensely impressed. Those drawings had not only been good, the designs themselves had been enviously beautiful, and impeccably creative. I wasn't just impressed, I was kind of turned on in a really odd way by his blatant disregard for gender stereotypes. After all, you've got to be some kind of comfortable with your sexuality to draw up fashion designs and keep them laying around in your car where anyone could see them.

Then again, you had to be some kind of secure to be Ryan Evans at all. His clothes, his hobbies, his mannerisms…A small giggle arose in my throat as I remembered the sway of his hips as he'd run up the dorm house stairs. Such a little fairy. The image in my mind spat itself out into reality as I looked out of the driver's side window and noticed that he wasn't two feet from the car. A mischievous smirk on my face, I jumped across the console and slammed my palm down on the lock to his door just as his hand reached down for the handle. A laugh left my lips as he tried without success to open the door and narrowed his eyes at me, playfully pursing his lips.

"I'd like to remind you that I'm the one driving and that getting on my bad side may not be the best idea until after the trip."

Another laugh, this one much smaller, bubbled up from my throat.

"I know a few good ways to get back on your good side." Giving him an evil smile, I flicked my tongue out and waggled it like a three-year-old for a few seconds. "Besides, what are you gunna do? Beat me up?"

"I'll make you listen to the original recording of _The Sound of Music _the _entire_ ride to Coney Island." He threatened. My eyes went wide and his door was unlocked almost immediately. A low chuckle left his mouth as he bent to fit into the seat beside me and shut the door behind him.

"Works every time…" One flick of his wrist and the engine was on, his fingertips turning up the music on his speakers before he even thought about switching the heat on. Obviously, his priorities were slightly out of wack, but at least we weren't listening to _The Sound of Music_. Between Ryan's show-tune-inspired love of pop and my cheer-nurtured addiction to hip-hop, the only thing we could agree on was techno. As "Hung Up" by Madonna filled my ears and pounded through my chest cavity, I smiled and leaned back into my seat, reaching over and lacing Ryan's fingers with mine.

"You know I wouldn't really keep you locked out in the cold forever, right?" I looked over at him, all innocence and big, doe eyes.

"I know,…" He smiled softly, his gaze dropping for a moment to my mouth, "Besides, I love it when you tease me."

As he sped through traffic, one hand on the wheel and one hand in mine, my heart fluttered a little as doubts circled it like vultures. How could this even be happening? A boy who blasts Madonna from his V-dub convertible in laughably tight slacks with fashion design sketches in the backseat? Who was I kidding, driving off to watch the sunset with him hand-in-hand? I should have been booking a spot on Dr. Phil to help him come out of the closet before things went got out of control and I got my heart broken. But I was too selfish to even consider getting him to come to grips with his true self. His fingers felt too good between mine, and the music was too loud to shout over anyway. I wanted this to be real more than anything in the world, I wanted to believe boys like him could exist. Even if just for a little while…

* * *

***There were probably a dozen good names for this chapter (which is kind of annoying considering there are some chapters that take me days and days to think of titles for). However, I really couldn't pass up 'Vogue' and I thought maybe I should explain, because there are three references at work here. Vogue is of course a fashion magazine, which ties into Ry's designs, but it was also a form of underground music and techno dancing in the gay club scene of NYC around the 80s. It was the inspiration for Madonna's famous song "Vogue", the video of which features its namesake dance moves. **

**Thanks to the reviewers!!**


	6. Window Seat

**Window Seat**

"Was that another one of your girlfriends?"

"No." He answered slowly after eyeing me suspiciously for a moment as he poured sugar into his cup. It was understandable, I mean they'd only then kissed briefly on the cheek. But the chatter had been considerable as Ry waited for his drink at the counter and she just stood there hanging on his every word. Sort of like I did. Or tried to pretend that I didn't. "Why? You think I should ask her out?"

Rolling my eyes, I bumped my hip against his and forced myself to smile.

"I'd prefer if you didn't."

"Good, because I've been down that road with Kelsi before." His eyebrows lifted a little as his lips pursed and I could tell there was a story there.

"How did that go?" I asked, following him to a nearby booth. It was our usual, a two-seater right by the window. Today it was splattered with rain, as it had been for the past two weeks. The weathermen in Manhattan were starting to get bored, quite honestly.

"Eh." He shrugged, "It just didn't work out. Sometimes you think someone is perfect for you because they're your best friend. Makes sense in theory, but it doesn't usually work out in practice. With Kels and me…it just made things really complicated." Speaking of complicated…Glancing down at the paper, I scanned article titles in hopes of changing the subject.

"Everything happens for a reason." I shrugged, rather unsuccessful with my news headline hopes. Damn the _New York Times_. "So how are things at school?"

"Couldn't be better." His entire face lit up as he leaned forward to take a sip of his coffee. I couldn't help but smile in reaction, happy that he was happy. "Buuut…"

My head cocked to the side curiously as I set my cup down. Sadly, there was always a but.

"That doesn't sound good. What's wrong?" I asked, my forehead creasing the slightest bit with concern.

"Well, I just got the special blue-ray edition of _The Lion King_ today and I have no one to watch it with…" He averted his gaze away from me oh-so-obviously as his voice trailed off. There were full implications of Ryan wanting me to come over so he wouldn't be reciting lines along with the TV alone. However, all I could do was look at him like he'd just posed a very random but perplexing riddle. I blinked a few times, then crossed my arms under my chest and leaned back in my chair.

"Are you straight?" The words finally tumbled from my mouth and my face was full of suspicion and none of it was playful.

"Lotta questions today." He mused, popping off the lid of his coffee cup and stirring the contents within. My face fell and I froze in place, a perfect pout decorating my features. "Oh, no! I wasn't avoiding the question. For God's sakes Katie, I'm straight. Why else would I enable your hot chocolate addiction?"

"You're the one who got me addicted in the first place." I pouted quietly. My self-indulgence faded however when he reached across the table and slid his fingers under mine, so that my hand rested in his palm. I tried not to make it obvious when my throat contracted out of instict and I swallowed, but I really don't think it worked.

"Say you'll come over tonight. Please?"

"Ryan, this isn't about that." I mumbled, having trouble breathing with him still touching me.

"I'm not dating Kelsi. I'm not gay. I _am_ into you. I buy you all the hot chocolate in the universe. What's the problem? If you don't want to hang out tonight, that's totally cool, you can tell me."

Taking a deep breath, I pulled my hand away from his and tried to find words for the idiotic things chasing me around in nonsensical patterns all over my brain.

"I don't know…" The lie passed my lips in the form of a sigh, but Ryan just waited patiently.

"Well, you take all the time you need to figure it out. I can wait. Although I'd like to know now if I should get a magazine from the stand over there. I've been dying to glance through _People_ all week."

Unable to help myself, I let a small laugh pass my lips and Ryan's mouth split open in a relieved smile.

"That's what I'm talking about, dorkwad."

"You know…I don't think I've heard that word since like third grade. Very retro, I like it." Almost immediately he started snickering at the look on my face. A few seconds too late and I might have been wearing his grandé soy latte. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Please continue."

"As I was saying." I eyed him as he continued to laugh and I tried to ignore how much I adored his laugh. "You're…different from other guys."

"Ugh. This speech again? Come on Kate, I've known you for what, almost a month now? Spare me the "you need to man up" pepper upper. This is who I am, take it or leave it." He sighed.

"This has nothing to do with that. Well, I mean it sort of does. But it's not what you think. Just hear me out, alright?" Taking a slow, deep breath his head bobbed in a nod and I tried to organize my thoughts. "I love who you are. I just don't trust that it's real. And as a woman living in New York, I think I've earned the right to be suspicious." He chuckled, understanding completely what I meant. "It's just hard for me to believe guys like you exist."

Leaning forward on the table, he took my hand once more and looked me in the eyes. As his thumb roved back and forth over the back of my hand, his blue eyes seemed to get the slightest bit larger as he lifted his eyebrows in curiosity.

"Guys like me?" I almost hated Ryan for the moments when he used that voice. Low and sensual and irresistible. If it weren't for the fact that my heart lived for those moments, I would have slapped him every time he used it against me.

"Funny and stylish and good at dancing and secure enough with themselves to just be who they are. It's like you don't see the lines between feminine and masculine because you don't care. You're just you and no girl can resist that kind of confidence. But how is any girl supposed to actually believe they can have it?"

"Well, I'm not interested in just any girl." There was that god damn voice again…Would I get kicked out of Starbucks for pulling him down on this table right in front of everyone? Hmm…Columbia surely wouldn't be too happy with the headlines. Best not to risk it.

"What I'm trying to say is, boys like you aren't real for girls like me. And I guess I'm just scared to get involved because there's this hesitation in the back of my mind just waiting for you to finally come to grips with the fact that you're gay or something. And then where would I be? In love and dropped off the side of a cliff?"

"Can you really see yourself falling in love with me?" That was really the only part of everything I'd said he seemed remotely concerned with. My cheeks flushed with red and I tried to look in any direction that wasn't him. Ryan just chuckled and leaned forward to gently peck my mouth, catching me very off guard and sending my heart into a frenzy. "For the last time, I promise you I'm not gay. Yes, I like Disney movies. Yes, I like to shop and dance and sometimes I burst out into show tunes. But I also love watching girls walk in high heels. I love the way girls smell and I think its beautiful that they can be so strong and so vulnerable at the same time. I love everything about you people." He shrugged unapologetically.

"What's your type?" I asked, as amused with his game as I was curious. He certainly wasn't my type and I wanted to know if he always went for the jaded cheerleader or if this was just a special occasion. Before I knew it however he was leaning toward me and dipping his head to the side. Just before his lips pressed against mine, they murmured against my cheek in response.

"You are."


	7. Friends Don't Let Friends

**Friends Don't Let Friends...**

Andrea and Colette were both on the squad with me at Columbia and had quickly become my best friends after we met at try-outs freshman year. All in different majors, we hardly ever got to see each other during the later end of each semester because our schedules were so busy. This afternoon however we had agreed to meet for coffee after class and catch up for a few hours.

"Since when do you pass up an opportunity to shoot up on caffeine?" Andrea smirked as I sat down with my white hot chocolate. Shrugging, I lifted the lid off so my drink would cool faster.

"I dunno, I just tried this one day and…I really liked it."

Exchanging glances that read nothing short of unconvinced, my friends got only a laugh from me in return.

"What, can't a girl change her mind? Besides, all that caffeine is bad for you anyway."

"Starbucks in general is bad for you." Colette reminded me. I only rolled my eyes.

"Like I'm going to take advice from Columbia's resident alcoholic."

"Hey, hey!" She tried to get in a word through mine and Andrea's laughter, "It's not alcoholism until _after_ college."

"How many practices has she showed up to hung over?" I asked, playfully ignoring Colette as I questioned our mutual best friend with sarcastic casualty.

"I think it would be easier to count the ones she's showed up to sober." Andy giggled and I quickly followed suit. Beside us, Colette shook her head and narrowed her eyes my way as she sipped at her coffee.

"Just because you two haven't been laid in God knows how long, it's no reason to take it out on me." She snapped back. Andy immediately shut up, as did I. Except unlike my sexually frustrated friend, I was now blushing as I looked down at my hot chocolate.

"Katie…?!" Colette asked suspiciously, a mischievous grin in her voice.

"Well, I've been seeing this guy…" I admitted, no longer able to keep the secret I'd been harboring for a little over a month. It was amazing I'd kept my mouth shut for that long at all, given how happy Ryan made me. How head over heels I had become in such a short span of time.

"What?" Andrea exclaimed, "You never told us you were seeing someone! Who is it? It's Brad isn't it, from Chem lab? I knew you two would end up together, you guys have eye sex like twenty times a class period."

Shaking my head no, I felt mildly ashamed all of a sudden. How could I tell my friends I was dating a theatre geek? The theatre geek they'd met at the same open mic night I had. How would I ever explain to them how I was falling for this guy? How I had let him in and now my world was spinning around on an axis called Ryan Evans.

"It's not James, is it? I will be so jealous if you're dating our star wide receiver." Colette grumbled playfully.

"Actually, he doesn't even go to the U." I explained.

"I don't blame you." Andrea laughed.

"Where'd you meet him?" Colette asked, smirking at Andy's joke. We liked to make the comparison of Columbia's pool of available men to a polluted koi pond. Some days it seemed like the male species was God's way of telling a joke, only we weren't laughing.

"Same place both of you did." I admitted, wondering how much I was going to regret doing so even as the words left my mouth. "At the café on twentieth and Broadway, open mic night about a month and a half ago."

Both of their jaws fell simultaneously and I was met with wide, blinking eyes. For the first few moments, I really don't think they believed me.

"The…the blonde guy who got up on stage and…and sang?" Colette struggled through the sentence, trying desperately to come to grips with what I was saying.

"His name's Ryan Evans, he goes to Julliard." I tried to keep the conversation moving along, progressing steadily instead of imploding.

"Didn't see that coming…" Andy mumbled under her breath before taking a sip of her coffee.

"Guys come on, you only talked to him for a few seconds. He's really an amazing guy, he's super sweet and"-

"Kate, that's not the problem." Colette looked at me with an unfair but understandable amount of concern pulling down her face. If I had been in her shoes, I would have done the same. Friends weren't supposed to let friends date freaks. "Look, I can understand that you were attracted to him, I mean, he was really charismatic and he had a pretty cute smile but…" Her blue eyes turned to Andrea for help.

"But he's just not boyfriend material, I mean…he's a musical theater person. There's no way that can end well, you guys will never understand each other."

"Maybe not always but, that doesn't mean"-

"Are you even sure he's straight? I distinctly remember him wearing sequence." Cole jumped in again, her photographic memory working against me. I laughed a little, remembering my own issues with the subject.

"I would say so after Saturday night…and Sunday morning and Sunday afternoon, a good part of Sunday evening and even a little bit of yesterday." I clarified with a grin that made both of them shut up. "Look, why don't you come over one night for dinner. I think you'd really like him. He's not like the other theater kids…entirely…And the theater stuff, it's not so bad really."

"Not so bad? Listen to yourself! You don't even sound like Kate Brunswick anymore." Andy sighed, frowning before looking away and shaking her head. "I give it two months tops."

"Don't be like this guys, I _really_ have it bad for him." I insisted, pleading with them to understand. To just let things go this one time. They didn't know him, didn't understand what it was like to look in his eyes and see a smile there just for me. They had no concept of how thoughtful he was or how much fun he could be. When I was with Ryan it was like there were no rules. We just did our own thing in our own little world, blind to what other people thought or felt about it. "Can't you just be happy for me?"

"I'm sorry." Colette shrugged and she shook her head no, "Take it from one of your best friends with a bird's eyes view of the situation. There's a reason we steer clear of the theatre geeks. After living with your sister for so many years, you of all people should understand that. I'm sure he's a nice guy Kate, but in the end, he's just gunna break your heart."

* * *

***I'm thinking of changing the name of this story (to Slow Dancing in A Burning Room or something, I'm not sure yet) and I might play with the summary a little bit. Sorry if it throws you guys off. This is my only HSM story though so just look for my penname in the e-mail alerts or update pages or however you keep track of stuff and you should be able to find it. **

**Thanks to the reviewers. I'd really appreciate it if more people reviewed. If its not good enough for you to review nicely then please tell me what you think I should fix. **

**-Rachel**


	8. Benefits of Doubt

**Benefits of Doubt**

"5, 6, 7, 8..." Counting off with snaps of his fingers, Ryan launched into his routine for the eighth time that evening. Sitting over in the back corner with a text book in my lap, my eyes were finding it next to impossible to study. I had known this would happen. Even though I'd only agreed to hang out with him if we each set aside some time to work on our school assignments, the likes of which were piling up quickly with the approach of the semester's end. But somewhere in my heart there had been a faint calling for reason even while packing my bag with school books for the subway ride to Julliard.

'_You're going to go to his dorm house and try to get work done? You can barely think at all when he's around, how are you going to concentrate on Accounting if he's shaking his ass right in front of you?' _

Stupidly, I actually gave myself the benefit of the doubt and rushed out the door anyway, doing everything I could not to grin like an idiot out of excitement on my way down the street. Finals were creeping up on me, group projects needed attention and the new cheer routines were kicking my ass. And yet I was still finding any excuse just to be in the same room as Ryan. Behold the power of hormones.

Giving in once again, I stopped even trying to pry my gaze away from him and leaned my head back against the wall as I watched. It was beautiful, what he could do with his body. The twists and turns, his perfect sync with the beat of whatever was coming out of the studio's stereo speakers, the pacified calm that stayed on his face throughout the routine despite the sweat rolling down his forehead and neck. What was even more incredible was that the sequence of moves had been his own original creation, an assignment for his Choreography 101 class. I personally felt that if he didn't get an A+ it would be an utter failure of the educational system.

As my gaze stayed on his body, my mind traveled with the sparks of inspiration that always seemed to flow up from the depths of my psyche whenever I absorbed any form of art from Ryan. Watching him dance in the studio, feeling his emotions emanate off a stage, glancing over his sketches, listening to him sing. The singing was usually what got me in trouble as I'd been addicted to his voice from the moment we'd met and getting to know him had only made me appreciate the sound so much more.

The music faded and his feet came to rest, lungs heaving for breath as he paused in the middle of the hardwood floor to try and recoup for a moment. As he turned and walked back towards me and his duffel bag, obviously in desperate need of some water, I watched him with a question bouncing hesitantly on my tongue before finally getting up the courage to articulate itself.

"You want to be on Broadway, right?" Looking up at him, I felt like a child. All big, wondering eyes and naivety to the world of theatre as he continued to pant, staring at me over his water bottle for a moment before answering.

"That's the plan." He nodded, agreeing with my general consensus, probably confused as to where I was going with it.

"Well…do you have any other plans?"

"Like what?" He looked utterly lost, which was understandable. Ryan's entire life had revolved around the stage the same way mine had revolved around getting into an Ivy League school. The idea of giving up our goals so late in the game was just laughable. But I couldn't help but wonder…

"Well, I dunno…have you ever thought of opening a dance studio? I mean you're already really good at eighteen, imagine your ability after graduating. People will be banging down the doors."

"I dunno about that,…" He chuckled bashfully, taking another swig of water. "Besides, no one wants to take lessons from someone who hasn't been there. After I've gotten some experience in professional theatre, then sure, I could open a studio."

"You mean, after you get famous?" I mocked him playfully with the incorporation of jazz hands around my last word. He just laughed again and shook his head.

"Yah, basically. Why not have the best of both worlds?"

"I dunno, I think people would be lining up to take lessons from you. Who cares if you're young? You've got really fresh ideas." I pressed on stubbornly. Was he really that oblivious to his own talent?

"This coming from a cheerleader. I don't know if I should feel honored or embarrassed." He teased me, putting on a dramatically worried face. Slumping my shoulders, I gave him an unamused look accompanied with the flicking of my middle finger in his direction.

"I'm kidding baby, I know cheering takes game. That, and I love telling people that my girlfriend can do splits and scorpions and spread eagles."

"It's moments like this when I have no doubts whatsoever about you being a guy."

"I'd be happy to erase those doubts for you anytime you want, just name the time and place." He smirked, his eyes twinkling with mischief. I couldn't help but smile back, my cheeks catching a light blush even though we were the only two people in the room.

"Ry…can I ask you a question?"

"Anything you want." He conceded, sitting down across from me on the floor as it became clear that neither of us were going to shut up anytime soon. I should have seen that coming, anytime either of us opened our mouths whatever we were doing would usually have to be put on hold for hours.

"When did you lose your virginity?"

A thoughtful expression crossed his face and he cocked his head to the side.

"Hmm…when _did _I do that? S'hard to remember sometimes, all the girls who want me kind of blur together after a while."

My eyes rolled heavenward before I snorted a giggle through my nose.

"You wish. Come on, everyone remembers their first time. I wanna know about yours."

"What makes you so sure I wasn't a virgin when we met?" He mused, a teasing sort of look on his face as he used that sensual, low voice of his against me once again. The blush on my face made a comeback as the memories of all the times we'd been together thus far surfaced in my mind and I tried desperately to think of a neat and tidy way of explaining myself.

"No freshman in college knows how to satisfy a woman unless he's had considerable practice." I told him, forcing my gaze never to waiver from his as I spoke.

"You never know." He leaned forward towards me with a delighted yet arrogant smirk, "Maybe God just made me that good."

"Fine," I turned my gaze back towards the text book in my lap, licking my finger before turning the page. "If it was that embarrassing of an experience, I won't make you talk about it.

"Are you sure it's something you really wanna know?" He asked, his tone much more serious this time but harboring a good deal of skepticism. As the words fell from his mouth, he crossed his legs at the ankles and leaned back, resting the palms of his hands behind him on the hard wood floor of the dance studio.

"I'm pretty sure that's why I asked, goofball. Can't be anything too crazy, right? I mean it's not like you were raped in jail or anything." I snickered, playfully looking him up and down as though the only reason this wasn't a legitimate concern was because flamboyance wasn't illegal.

"Alright, alright." He rolled his eyes, "You asked. This summer, right after graduation. I was still dating Kelsi and she was over at my house. We'd been rehearsing some stuff in my room, we were messing around, I started tickling her. One thing led to another…and, yah."

"Oh." He'd been right. I hadn't really wanted to know that. Stupid for not seeing it coming, I somehow hadn't expected him to tell me that Kelsi (the best friend who had followed him to New York and still looked at him with eyes that were enamored) had been his first. I certainly hadn't pictured it that way. In fact picturing them together at all was kind of gross…But then again, I was obviously a little bias.

Sighing, he ran a hand through his blonde hair as he rose from the floor.

"I knew you wouldn't like the answer."

"I'm still glad you told me." My voice was small, the words forced as he leaned down to put his water bottle away. At the time it was bordering on a lie, but I knew with time the sting would fade and eventually I would be grateful to have gotten to know a piece of him that intimate. And I also knew, I had to get out one last question if I didn't want the subject driving me to insanity that night after I left. "Was she any good?"

Suddenly, his breath was on my cheek as he crouched in front of me to cover my mouth with his. Our lips pushed and pulled against one another, the pressure making me dizzy for half a second. A warm hand came up to cover my cheek just as he was pulling away.

"Not as good as you. Nothing in my life has ever felt as good as you, in every way." Nuzzling his nose against mine, he kissed me one last time before getting up to practice some more.

* * *

***Thanks for the reviews! For the record, I think I'm pretty much in love with Lucas Grabeel lol. By the way, as far as the dance sequence Ryan made up, I saw a lot of 'I Don't Dance', so if you watch the rehearsal videos for that at youtube, you can def get a feel for what Kate was watching. Happy reading! :D**


	9. Another Woman

**Another Woman**

If I'd thought Ryan was flamboyant, it was only because I'd never met his sister.

Sharpay Evans flew in the day after Christmas break began and compared to her, Ryan looked like Chuck Norris. I lost count of the number of bags she had, but if I ever saw another Louis Vuitton suitcase it would be too soon. I had to give the girl credit though, she knew her way around New York City and with the enthusiasm for musical theatre that she shared with her brother, I had to wonder why her name wasn't on the roster at Julliard as well. She seemed like a born performer, a diva from the cradle and from the bits of random song I'd heard her bust into (another trait she shared with her twin), she was talented enough to boot.

Even after a full twenty-four hours in her presence, it was still hard to pass judgment on her personality. Charisma and an energetic nature made Sharpay fun to be around, especially if Ryan was rounding us out. The two of them had the most amusing sibling chemistry I'd ever witnessed first hand in my life. It was pretty clear to see that under her tough, ambitious exterior, Sharpay really depended on the emotional support of her brother behind the scenes. And that was really humanizing.

It was a good thing too because she gave a whole new meaning to word 'spoiled'. Born into upper middle-class surroundings in Jersey with parents who both worked and forced me to do the same all through high school, I thought _I'd _gotten off lucky. However, all the time I'd spent around Ryan had prepped me somewhat for his sister's expectant-only-of-the-best attitude. And I couldn't blame her. If I had parents swimming in money and praising my every step I'd probably be a little bitchy too.

But I was still stuck with the two biggest theatre geeks I'd ever met and it was still rough trying to muddle through half of the things they said. Big names in the business I'd never heard before, backstage lingo I was totally out of the loop on, famous productions I wasn't even aware existed. These were the major topics of conversation and it was like listening to a foreign language. But, for Ryan, I just went with it and did my best to steer conversation back to normal topics like television and clothes. Both of them were pretty up to date on all things pop culture as well, and because Ry and his sister were so much alike, it made sense that we all got along pretty well.

In fact, I was just starting to decide I liked Sharpay when, on my way out of her hotel room one night for a group study session, I overheard them talking behind her closed bedroom door. It was rude, but I'd always been too curious for my own good and decided to eavesdrop.

"Well, I'm glad things are working out for you Ry…just don't get too attached."

A wrinkle pulled up my nose. _'What is she talking about?'_

"What do you mean?" Ryan's voice let me know I wasn't the only one confused.

"Oh please. You don't actually think you can keep this up forever, do you? Girlfriend on the outside, career on the inside? It just isn't gunna work."

"Look, I know she's not like us"-

"Pfft, that's an understatement. She's a cheerleader at an Ivy League university. I mean, don't get me wrong, it's a step up from Kelsi…but get real Ry."

"Don't drag Kelsi into this! She never did a thing to you. Just because she got into Julliard and you didn't"-

Oh snap. I'd had no idea Sharpay had been vying for her brother's spot at the most esteemed performing arts school in the world. Not getting accepted must have left a mark.

"Screw you, that has nothing to do with this. She's a joke."

"She deserves to be here, her compositions aren't just good they're heartfelt. She doesn't just want this for the fame and money, sis. She just wants to play her music."

"Ugh, gag me. You can do so much better than a freak with glasses and mousy hair."

"Maybe you hadn't noticed, but we broke up. I'm currently dating a girl who's almost as fashionable as I am and, for the record, wears contacts."

'_I am _**just**_ as fashionable as you are, Ryan Evans. Get over yourself.' _I laughed inwardly.

"Yes, I know." Sharpay sighed dramatically. "I already told you, I like her but she just doesn't fit inside of our world."

"Just because we like different things doesn't mean it can't work. We like _each other_, that's all that matters."

"I know you're not that naïve. Theatre isn't something you like, it's who you are. It's how you define yourself, Ryan. There is no half-way. People are either born to live in a theatre or they aren't. You can't have a relationship with someone living on the outside."

My heart sunk with all the fears that had been lingering on the edge of my heart for a while. Maybe I shouldn't have stayed after all…

"Why don't you like her, Sharpay? Why don't you like _anyone_ I date? I'm starting to think you're just jealous that I'm happy."

There was a small pause, weighted down with tension. When Ryan's sister finally responded, her tone was bitter and I could tell they'd both been hurt by the conversation. They weren't the only ones.

"I don't want you to make a mistake that's going to hurt both of you in the end. That's all. Sorry I even tried."

* * *

***Alright guys, I love this story and I love posting it. But I'm getting more than 20 hits a chapter and only one review each. If you guys don't start reviewing I'm just gunna stop posting and start e-mailing the chapters to Val, who's the only consistent reviewer I have. Sorry to sound like a b*tch, but it's kind of insulting when I *know* people are reading consistently. **


	10. Playing Catch

**Playing Catch**

"Guess who got a lead in the spring musical?" The words tumbled from his mouth the moment I opened my apartment door, before I had time to properly appreciate the angle at which he was leaning in my doorframe. Processing what he'd said in a matter of milliseconds however, I wasted no time in freaking out.

"OHMIGOD! RYYYAN!" Screaming, I threw my body into his, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his hips. I was sure I looked very much like a marsupial at the moment, but I didn't really care. Our lips crashed together before I pulled back to squeal some more as I dragged him inside. "You brilliant, audacious little freshman you. How did you get a _lead_?"

"Well, you see they had auditions."

I nodded, waiting for something bigger, more exciting.

"And I read lines."

My face fell flat.

"Ha ha. Very funny. I just meant that freshmen don't pull leads at any college, let alone Juilliard." I explained, sure that he must have been aware of this. My sister was a junior on scholarship at the Boston Conservatory and she still had yet to land a major leading role in any production.

"This one did, thank you." He nodded as I handed him a mug of hot cocoa. Before he'd even taken a sip however, his face drooped with sadness. Large blue eyes looked up from his cup and in that moment it would have been terribly easy to confuse him with a homeless puppy. "No marshmallows? I thought you loved me…"

Laughing softly, I climbed up onto a nearby stool with no hesitance whatsoever and began digging through the cabinets above my counter. I was sure I had some in here somewhere…Did marshmallows go bad? Could they be resuscitated by hot chocolate? Hmm, well we were going to find out…or rather, Ryan was.

"So when do you start rehearsals?"

"Well, we start reading together the day after Christmas." He told me, leaning against the counter in the opposite direction I was facing.

"Wait, what?" My legs wobbled a bit as I slammed the cabinet shut and glared down at him. The bag of mini-mallows was in my hand but I was deliberately holding them over his head, not sure if he was even going to get any after the news he'd just shared.

"They're not full out rehearsals Katie, I'll still have time to have dinner with your parents when they come up."

"Dinner isn't the only thing we have planned Ryan…I mean it's Christmas in two freaking days. I thought we were going to spend the entire week after that together."

"Awkward Turtle week, I know…" He sighed, referencing the nickname we'd come up with for the weird gap between the end of the Christmas season and New Year's. Visions of ice skating in Central Park, scouring the sales at Macy's and lounging around my apartment in our pajamas evaporated from my mind. I knew it was selfish but I just wanted one week, one small period of time, when I didn't have to share my boyfriend with his stupid performing arts school and his stupid friends and stupid theater. "Look, I don't have to be there until eleven am, so…"

"Eleven, oh that's great. Considering I don't wake up until like one or two on my days off. Come on, you know that Ryan." I was probably making way too big a deal out of this…but how could I not? I'd just barely gotten through this semester as Ryan involved himself in as many projects as possible, which usually meant I had to make an appointment just to kiss him.

"It's Juilliard Katie! What am I supposed to do? Tell them no thanks, my girlfriend misses me? I wish I could baby, but I can't. I just can't. This is what I've dreamt about my entire life." He tried to make me understand, shouting upwards while I stood high and mighty on my stool.

"Here I was dreaming about falling in love." I shrugged, cynicism heavily weighing on my tone and a hand mounted on my hip in frustration. Just as tears began brimming in my eyes, all the air was knocked from my lungs as I felt cold fingers grab my ankles and push. The stool fell out from under me and I went flying, flailing, falling through the air.

"AAAAAH!" My scream engulfed the entirety of my tiny apartment kitchen just before I landed with a small, "Umph."

Arms were under me, not tile. Everything seemed perfectly in tact, no piece of me bruised or broken. What the hell just happened? Looking up I caught Ryan's brilliant blue gaze, smirking triumphantly as he held me honeymoon style. Narrowing my eyes, my jaw set and I crossed my arms under my chest.

"You're a jerk." I grumbled.

"I'm the jerk who _caught_ you…as you were falling."

Catching on to his play of words, I tried so hard not to let my heart go all mushy in response. He was so not allowed to be cute right now. Not fair.

"I wouldn't have fallen if it wasn't for you."

"Exactly." He reminded me, cradling me closer before setting me upright on the counter top. Coming to stand between my thighs, he pushed the hair from my eyes and held my face in his hands, the fingertips of which were absolutely freezing. "I know this isn't always easy, but I'm the one who chased you, remember? I'm the one who got lucky here and I want you to have faith that at the end of the day I _will _be there to catch you."

"Every night?"

"It's you I'll be coming home to."

"Every morning?" The tiniest hint of a smile perked up the side of my mouth.

"There's no one I'd rather wake up next to. I'm here for you Katie. I'm yours. I just learned a long time ago that if I don't live my life no one else is going to do it for me. I know you understand that." His face was so close to mine by now that I could feel the warmth of his breath, could feel his nose gently nuzzling my cheek. Nodding, I closed my eyes and sniffed back whatever tears had been threatening to overtake me.

"Yah, I do." For now he had convinced me. I may not have liked it, but no one had said this was going to be easy. Besides, I loved Ryan and when he talked to me like that how could I ever think that he didn't love me back? Pressing my mouth against his, I slid a hand onto the back of his neck and pulled him closer as I wrapped my legs all the way around his waist.

"Wait a second," He pulled back a little just as my other hand was getting lost in his hair, "I think we're gunna need the marshmallows after all."

Grinning, I pushed him away and grabbed the bag up off the floor before dashing down the hall to my bedroom before he even had a chance to process what the hell I was doing.

"You'll have to catch me first!"

* * *

***I'm still on Team Ryan, but have you guys seen that new Guitar Hero commercial with Corbin Bleu dancing around in his underwear a la Risky Business? So ridiculously hot. **


	11. After Dinner

**After Dinner**

"I like him, Kate." My mother's voice echoed a little off of the tiles in her hotel bathroom as she got ready for bed, a white terry robe tied snug at the waist. "I really like him for you. He's different. But…much more sophisticated than your usual fare. I approve."

"Did I just get the nod?" I shouted from her bed as I flicked through channels. "I can't see, the door's in the way."

"Yes," She chuckled as her figure emerged from the bathroom and she started looking through her bag for the vitamins she took before bed each night. "You did indeed get the nod."

My mom was beautiful. You could tell she was older from the laugh lines around her mouth, the small crow's feet beside her eyes. But her complexion was still smooth and nearly flawless. Her features were soft amidst the oval of her face that was framed by a straight, almost platinum blonde bob. Pink always dashed across her cheeks, whether she was wearing blush or not, and I could only hope that I would age as wonderfully as she had.

"Remind me again however why he was late? He was so out of breath when he sat down, I couldn't understand a word of what he was saying." Her words were graceful but strong, as though she'd learned to speak from Katherine Hepburn in her heyday. Smiling to myself, I ducked my gaze down towards the comforter I was sprawled out on. Ryan was obsessed with Katherine Hepburn and was in fact the only reason I knew enough about her to make that comparison at all.

"Um, he had practice. He scored a lead in Julliard's Spring production and they already have him rehearsing." I couldn't help but attach a sigh to my words before stopping on a rerun of _Jon & Kate Plus 8_. Gosh those little Asian babies were cute.

"They had him rehearsing until _seven at night_?" She sounded almost offended, as though the idea of it were truly sacrilegious. On the TV, the sextuplet who wore glasses was in a dentist's chair with a horrified look on his face, but even that couldn't coax a smile out of me.

"Yah, I know." My disparaged tone returned and I ran a stressed out hand through my hair. "It really sucks…and what's worse is his ex-girlfriend, Kelsi, is helping assist with composure so she's there every night too."

Chuckling softly in the back of her throat, my mother smiled at me as she took out her nightgown from the suitcase she had laying in front of the closet she was sharing with my dad, who was watching a Jersey Devils hockey game in the living room.

"You've never been the jealous type before Kate, why is this so different?" Clearly she was amused by the power this boy had over me. A boy she had been more than a little surprised to see sit down at our table that night. A boy who she never would have considered to even be in the running for her daughter's affections. And now? Now it seemed this boy had her as wrapped as a Christmas present.

Unable to think clearly, I snapped the TV off with a curt click before turning on my back and staring up at the ceiling. A shrug momentarily lifted my shoulders.

"Because I have no idea what he sees in me. Because I'm not a theater person and I never have been. Because this Kelsi girl is everything he deserves, she's the kind of girl he's _supposed_ to end up with. She can sight-read music, she plays piano, composes her own songs. All day her head is full of the same crap that his is. They just understand each other in a way we never will…and it scares me. Because I don't want to be her, but at the same time I'm jealous that I never will be."

All of this tumbled out of my mouth as she changed in the bathroom. Silence followed and for a moment I wondered if she'd even heard me at all. It would be a perfect disaster if she hadn't because I really wasn't sure I'd be able to articulate my feelings again. A second later however, she emerged from the bathroom in her baby blue nightgown and came over to sit next to me on the edge of the bed. Just from the look on her face, amused but sympathetic, I could tell she'd heard me.

"The important thing to remember is that he chose you. She's not his girlfriend anymore for a reason. And so what if he was late? The point is, he did everything he could to get to dinner. He cares about you Kate, don't ever think he doesn't. If your _mother_ can see it, then it must be real."

Smiling finally, I let go of a small giggle. She had a point: If there was something fundamentally wrong with our relationship…my mother would never hesitate to point it out.

"You should keep yourself busier. I'm happy you've found such a nice boy, but you can't let your emotions be so dependent upon him. He has his life and you have yours. You just have to keep things in perspective is all." She added, smoothing my hair back as I sat up to face her.

"I know." I nodded, very well aware that what she was saying would be so impossible to achieve in practice that I was already throwing the advice in my brain's recycling bin.


	12. Wildcat in Bed

**Wildcat in Bed**

"What are you _wearing_?" I laughed at the yearbook picture in front of me. Obviously he'd decided to take full advantage of the fact that all of their pages had been printed in color. Baby blue slacks held up by a slim white belt, a pink button down topped off with a matching cotton candy colored newsboy cap, hair gelled to infinity and beyond. Was that lip-gloss? Oh goodness…

"Clothing." He replied simply from beside me. Snow was sweeping around outside as we sprawled on my bed, stomach down and side-by-side flipping through his senior yearbook. "I know, it's not something you like to get familiar with but…" He shrugged innocently, teasing me about the fact that both of us had been lounging around in our underclothes for the better part of the evening.

"Shut up." I smirked, rocking my shoulder sideways to knock against his gently. "Whose clothes are they exactly? Perez Hilton's?"

"I would like to point out that I got the best dressed superlative of my class, thank you very much."

A surprised look popping up over my face, I lifted the yearbook to take another glance at the cover.

"I didn't know you went to a school for the blind! How cute is that?!" I gushed, my eyes dancing wildly with amusement.

"Whatever." He rolled his eyes, trying to keep his own smile contained, "It takes guts to wear that much pink."

"Yes, Ghengis Khan." I babied him playfully before pecking his mouth softly. "Whatever you say. I'm just glad your sense of fashion has…evolved somewhat."

"Would you not love me if I still dressed that way?" He pouted melodramatically. It wasn't that my boyfriend didn't still dress like a girl, 'cause he definitely did. It was just much less…obnoxious than these pictures made him look. His outfits nowadays, though a little snug and made of flamboyant fabrics, were always refined and put together with an edgy sort of classiness. My friends thought I was insane, but I couldn't help finding his sense of fashion sexy. Sure he didn't dress like a quarterback, but I knew I could take him anywhere and even the adults around us would be impressed.

"Of course I would…I'd just try not to go on any dates with you in public. So, el presidenté of the drama club, huh?"

"Well, co-presidenté. With my sister, see?" He pointed to the blonde I'd become very well acquainted with over Christmas break. February had since descended upon New York, leaving it with all the same wintery weather sans the holiday perks. Not that it mattered much, every moment I spent with Ryan was like a mini-vacation in and of itself. Although lately our time together had been more and more limited, due to all his practices and classes and rehearsals. Even when he did have time, I had cheerleading and study groups and papers to attend to. Still, the spaces we set aside in our schedules for one another were always worth the wait.

"Oh, right. Hey, why do most of these people totally not look like they belong in a theatre?"

"Ah, because they didn't. Those two, Taylor and Gabriella? Total brainiacs. Scholastic Decathlon champs two years in a row."

"What about these two guys. They look way too cute to be in a high school musical."

Ryan looked over at me with his eyebrow arched at my admiring tone. It took me a moment to catch his glare, so caught up was I with the boys in the picture, but when I did a blush flooded my cheeks.

"Not that musical theatre guys can't be cute…but you're not the rule Ry, you're kind of the exception."

"They were jocks. Heads of the basketball team. State champs, back-to-back." He forced the words out, tone flat with a lack of amusement at the way I was looking at their picture.

"Wow." My face glowed with unconscious appreciation for their accomplishments. I didn't mean to be so insensitive to my boyfriend, but athletic guys had been a lifelong weakness. Ryan was just an anomaly. An amazing, hot, and sweeter-than-I-deserved anomaly. But there was no mistaking that he fit into my life at a very awkward angle.

"You're a Trojan, aren't you." He told me, in a tone of voice suggesting this was a diagnosis of some kind of disease that was eventually going to kill me.

"Uh…my family is English and Italian?" I gave him a confused look, wondering what on earth he could be talking about. "You look devastated…is it that bad?"

"Not really, I guess." He shrugged, "S'not like you can help it. Most girls are Trojans."

"Could you enlighten me as to the meaning of this foreign label you're slapping on me?" I pleaded.

Suddenly, he took the yearbook back and began flipping through it before landing on a full color shot of one of their basketball games. The picture took up both pages, splattered here and there with mini portraits of Wildcat players. The centerpiece of the biggest photo was an abnormally attractive high schooler putting a basketball up for three points, a look of determination on his face and a small 'C' patch covering his left shoulder. He was also one of the boys I'd said looked out of place in a drama club photo.

"Trojan is my name for girls who fall for the all-star types. The golden boy athletes with tan skin, broad shoulders and a good jump shot. At East High, that boy's name was Troy Bolton. Star of the basketball team, son of the coach, wanted by all."

"_And_ he was in a musical?"

"Two actually, had leads in both."

"Damn." I mumbled, looking back down at the photograph.

"If this were a movie, you'd end up with him at the end, wouldn't you?" It wasn't even a question, but more of a statement. As though this realization were just dawning on him. As though the connection between the jocks he'd had to endure all through high school and the girl he'd accidentally fallen in love with in college was just then becoming real.

"Ryan, you know I cheer. Come on, just 'cause I like basketball games and the clothes at Abercrombie… what does it matter?"

"I know, it's just…"Sighing, he shook his head and shifted positions to lay on his back, trying to articulate the sadness in his eyes as he stared at the ceiling. "I know I'm not the guy you always dreamt about, ya know? I know if you could you'd have me playing basketball or football or something. A little taller with wider shoulders and tan skin. Baggy jeans and untucked shirts. I know at the end of the day, I'm not your prince charming. And sometimes I feel like I'm fooling myself with the hope that I ever could be."

"Why would you say that?" A hurt look pulled down my face as I sat up to face him, laying a hand on his cheek and caressing my thumb back and forth as I stared down into those eyes of his.

"Because it's true." Taking my hand from his face, he held it to his chest and tried to ease my fears with words he thought would chase this back under the rug. "Don't worry, I know you love me. Sometimes I just remember how different we are. It's no big deal."

"It is if it bothers you that much." I mumbled, curling up against his side. "Ryan, I _chose_ you. Those boys are hot, but they're not you. They wouldn't take longer than me to get ready or go shopping with me. They would never help me stretch before cheer practice or try to teach me to play the piano. They wouldn't be able to dance like you or sing to me like only you can. I love you Ryan, not just because you're attractive or because my parents like you but because I don't want anyone else. I promise."

For a moment he just stared at me in silence, trying to take in what I'd said. Attempting to erase his insecurities about our relationship in some real sense.

"I want you too." He assured me. "It's not that I doubt our feelings for each other, I just doubt how long this can work."

"It'll work as long as we want it bad enough." I told him, firmly believing that if we just tried we could make it.

"Love isn't always enough." He reminded me. "Plenty of people fall in love. It's their lives that rip them apart."

Leaning down, I kissed him firmly and stayed there for longer than usual, trying desperately to make him feel how much I needed him. How much I never wanted to let him go. Finally however, for lack of air, I had no choice but to pull away.

"Does it count that I don't want that to ever happen?" I breathed, his face still in my hands.

"It absolutely does." He nodded, the smile on his face softly lighting up his eyes.

* * *

**I always felt like Ryan would have felt out of place in high school. He obviously enjoyed himself, but let's be honest. Kids like him don't always fit in and it can be tough for them and that feeling of always being on the outside of things takes a little while to get over. So I kind of wanted to explore what that had done to Ryan, since we usually only ever see his confident, energetic side. Tell me what you think! ;) **

**-Rachel**


	13. Something to Think About

**A/N: **I have a very clear mental image of Andrea and Danny, so I thought it only fair to help you guys out picturing them. Andy looks a lot like Danneel Harris (who played Rachel on _One Tree Hill_) (Which I do not own, lol) and Danny is very much based on Garret Hedlund's portrayal of Don Billingsley (minus the redneckisms, lol) in _Friday Night Lights _(the movie) (which, I regret to say I also do not own, because it's one of the best movies ever and Don is one tall drink of water lol). If you have no idea who either of those people are I have pictures and I can send them to you lol, just holla!

**Something To Think About**

I couldn't remember the last time I'd gaped at something with such blatant disregard for manners. My mother had raised me better than that, my socially conscious friends had always kept me in check better than that. So what was the matter with me?

It was April 10th and Andrea was celebrating her twentieth birthday by hosting a dinner party at her beautiful uptown apartment. The one her lawyer father paid the rent on and her interior designer mother had furnished. Colette, myself and half the squad had shown up, most of them sporting boyfriends. Before arriving I'd been upset that Ryan couldn't be on my arm due to rehearsal, that I'd have to brave that night alone. But after just minutes inside the door, I had never felt so grateful for the saving grace of Julliard in my entire life.

Maybe it was because football season was over and the squad had dissolved into studious obsession. Maybe it had something to do with spending so much time around Ryan and listening to all his talk about music and stage lighting and scripts. Maybe it was trying to pay my bills while keeping enough food in my cupboards and paying for Metrocards, slinging me into the real world at the price of high maintenance habits. But somewhere along the way, I'd forgotten what this was like.

Sitting with your beautiful friends, all dolled up and knowing you look just as good. Tall, muscular boys dying for a split-second of attention. Laughter, football talk and recollections of the season's most memorable moments on or off the field filling the air. No awkward tension, no misunderstandings or unfamiliar theatre slang. Just fun. And probably a little more alcohol than necessary. I guess I'd forgotten how good it felt to be around people just like me.

People who had never had problems in high school. People who were as wanted as they were close-minded. People who spoke the same language I did and always saved a spot for me in class. People whose weeks usually revolved around a field or a court or a diamond. We still had audiences but they were rowdier, sometimes even dangerous. We had lights, but they never shifted or changed, visible for miles around in all their tall, blinding glory. We had concessions, but they were cheap, messy and probably going to give you heartburn. For the past couple of weeks, I'd forgotten this life even existed.

Most of all, I'd forgotten what it was like to be in a relationship like Andy's. Her and Danny had been going steady for three months and though we'd met, I was sure we'd never actually hung out. From across the table, I couldn't help my eyes from soaking up the pair of them any chance I got. Their interaction, their chemistry, the way they looked beside one another. It wasn't that Ryan and I didn't bounce off each other the way they did, it wasn't like we didn't playfully flirt with one another. But it was different. He would make a joke that borrowed lines from some black and white movie I'd never even heard of. I would roll my eyes and make reference to some famous moment in sports history he was ignorant to. Sometimes we just didn't get each other.

Our chemistry was obviously existent as well…but again, undeniably dissimilar. Ryan and I wanted to be together. Andrea and Danny on the other hand were meant to be together. The universe loved them together. Everything about their relationship was right with the world. It was easy and filled me with warm fuzziness just watching them.

The most striking thing about their relationship however was also the most shallow. Andy had always been breathtaking. Long, dark red hair, a heart-shaped face and perfect, olive skin made most girls that caught sight of her jealous. Though I had never been envious of my best friend before, I suddenly was that night.

Danny was more attractive than I remembered. His frame was huge and very well filled out, perfect for his position on our football team as the starting fullback. Long muscular legs, bulky hands that caught footballs as softly as they handled his girlfriend, honey-brown eyes possessing an inner strength and steadiness I admired. When he laughed, his dark blonde bangs fell into those eyes and if I wasn't careful it was easy to forget what the people around me were saying just from watching him. He didn't talk much. Lacked the loudness and excitement that came as a package deal with Ry. He didn't need to beg the world for attention because it was handed to him anyway. He was the glorified hero, she was the beautiful princess and as they sat beside each other I couldn't stop myself from staring because I'd forgotten what having that felt like.

The jealousy didn't sprout so much from his looks as it did my own stupid imagination getting carried away. Behind my eyes, I could see them sitting on her couch watching games and screaming at the television together. Getting into popcorn fights and playing drinking games between commercials. I could see them working out at Columbia's gym together, pushing each other, supporting each other, making each other better. I could see them laughing around campus, the proud sparkle in my best friend's eye as every other girl glared with envy.

I could see her pom-poms waving furiously as she bounced up and down on the sidelines of a game, screaming as Danny made crucial blocks or bought his offense time through a close fourth quarter. The entire crowd hollering along with her, celebrating and clapping because of _her _boyfriend. I could see his hands all over her after the game, lips stretched into a grin against her mouth because they'd won and she'd been there and the whole school loved them. I could see them on top of a world I'd always day dreamed about in high school. Those moments, that Andrea would undoubtedly get with her boyfriend, were all I'd ever asked of life. I loved Ryan, but I would never have those moments with him. That more than anything made me wonder, if only faintly, whether I wouldn't have been better off never having met my boyfriend.

In the back of my mind, the blonde wonder's voice echoed softly.

'_If this were a movie, you'd end up with him at the end, wouldn't you?'_

Try as I may, the response I'd felt so earnestly at the time came back to haunt me.

'_Just 'cause I like basketball games and the clothes at Abercrombie… what does it matter?' _Now, studying my best friend and her perfect, gorgeous, tall, athletic, normal, all-American boyfriend I didn't just understand what Ryan had been trying to say, I felt it too. I didn't want him to be right…but in moments like this, I was wrung with guilt for not being completely unshakable in my faith that he wasn't.

'_She just doesn't fit inside of our world.' _Sharpay's voice wiggled its way into my head, serving only to further undo any sense of my relationship with her brother being right.

'_There's a reason we steer clear of the theatre geeks.' _Collette's words came back to me, sending a storm of emotion flaring through my system. God, they'd all been trying to warn me from the beginning. Maybe they'd actually made some sense. Maybe I was crazy. Maybe this wasn't love at all. Maybe Ryan and I were just in lust, living in a fantasy world because New York City was cold and neither of us could stand to be alone for very long.

"Sweetheart, is everything okay?" Andrea looked across the table at me, steely-blue eyes wide with gentle concern, a hesitant smile decorating her pretty face. Snapping out of my thoughts, I met her eyes with my own smile a few seconds too late, nodding.

"Yah, yah I'm fine. I think I'm just kinda tired, this semester is kicking my ass you know?"

A chorus of depressed agreement rose around us, filled with complaints of teachers and assignments and a general lack of sleep or time. Andrea's smile stayed in place and she rose her voice once more to silence everyone at the table.

"I think what we all need is a little sugar. Who's ready for dessert?"

Reluctantly, I nodded as my own smile joined everyone else's. Birthday cake wasn't going to be solving any of my problems that night, but it sure as hell couldn't hurt.

* * *

**Mmm. Cake. Football players. Reviews. Just a few of my favorite things... :D **


	14. Little Reminders

**To Greyhaven11 and Val B:** First and foremost my sincere apologies for taking eons with this update. It was a weird one to write, and will probably be weird to read. Normally I try to write these chapters snapshot style but Kate seemed to have a lot to say this time around, lol. Anyways, hopefully the next one won't take so long. Thanks for sticking with me guys, I love you both.

**To the many people who have added this story to their favorite/alert list and haven't left a one decent review: **You guys are rude and I wish for you to turn around right now. Either start reviewing or stop reading. I'm serious, it's really disrespectful. You don't have to say something nice when you review, just tell me what you think, it's not that difficult.

**Little Reminders**

Stepping foot onto the Julliard campus wasn't something I particularly enjoyed. While Ryan felt 'like performing arts school was a puzzle he'd been waiting his whole life to fit into', it kind of had the adverse affect on me. Like a baseball player fitted up for hockey, I was very much out of my element there. People could see it too. Maybe it was the clothes I wore, or how I did my hair. Maybe it was the way I walked, with far less grace than anyone who had dedicated their life to performing arts. Maybe it was nothing but my own imagination. Either way, as I traversed the quiet campus, full of whatever small darkness night could bring to the heart of New York, it seemed every eye that saw me knew immediately how at odds with the universe my presence was.

Relief, as well as a familiar buzzing excitement, filled me up when his dorm house came within view. In spite of the doubt I'd felt at Andrea's party and the guilt that had gnawed at my brain since, I smiled softly as I came to the door. I would run into Ryan's arms, we'd talk about everything that had been going on, probably make love and everything would be set right again. I just had to get inside first. Buzzing the callbox to his room, I tapped my nails against the plastic while waiting for a response. Just as I was thinking about how good it would feel to hear his voice, a very different one hit my ears with a disappointing jolt.

"Who iiis iiit?" A female voice responded in a sing-song tune, laughing softly with someone in the background afterwards. Frowning, I pushed the talk button and responded as every warm, fuzzy vision I'd built up in my head hit a brick wall and disintegrated.

"Um. This is Ryan's girlfriend, Kate? Is he around?"

"Oh, hey Kate! It's Kelsi, I'll buzz you up!"

Blinking a few times from surprise, I forced myself to move when the door in front of me clicked, signaling that the lock had come undone. Shaking my head, I couldn't help grinding my teeth as I jogged up to the second floor and strut down the hallway. Although I had no right to talk after the thoughts that had filled my head at Andrea's house, I hated how much time Ryan's ex spent with him alone.

When I reached his room, my mind lashed with every desire to burst in and remind Kelsi that she wasn't his number one anymore. But the sound of their laughter through the thin, faux wood door stopped my body from even raising a hand to the knob. She may not have been his girlfriend any longer but she still understood him, complimented him perfectly. She may not have been the one he fell asleep next to most nights, but she could still knew how to make him smile.

All of a sudden, before I'd even realized what I was doing, I had walked in completely unannounced and without warning. The laughter died almost immediately as the pair of them took a moment to simply stare, both jumping slightly from the sudden intrusion. In front of me sat Kelsi, her eyes wide behind the trademark glasses forever perched on her pixie-esque face. She was sitting at Ryan's keyboard, which had been moved from the wall into the middle of the living room shared by everyone in the five-person apartment-style dorm. Of course, it seemed my boyfriend had been all alone with his ex before I'd arrived. Where were his other four roommates when I needed them?

"Hey baby." Ryan's surprise melted into a smile before coming over from his seat on the couch and wrapping his arms around me, pecking my mouth. "What are you doing here on a Sunday? Don't you have an 8 am class tomorrow?"

"Class was cancelled, so I thought I'd come see you. Is that okay?" I asked, not entirely comfortable with the look on his face. It was a look that didn't seem quite as happy as surprised.

"That's _awesome_." He reassured me, throwing an arm around my shoulder before turning back around to face his best friend. "I'm working on some music and now I've got my two favorite girls in the whole world with me. What more could I ask for?"

Faking a smile, I tried to find something else to focus on besides the temptation of dragging Kelsi to the door and pushing her out. Thankfully, Ryan pulled away from me to pick his music back up off of the keyboard and I had the distracting pleasure of ogling that day's outfit choice. Khaki slacks, flashy brown belt, crisp white oxford, candy apple red tie, all topped off by a black fedora. Nothing too exciting, though still very at odds with normal. But, just like any other day, he made it look good.

"Not much I guess." I played along, keeping up the smile charade. "So, what is it you guys are working on?"

"Oh, it's a project for one of my classes. See, we have to take a song from a musical and turn it into an acoustic contemporary piece." Kelsi answered the question I'd directed specifically at my boyfriend, giving me a friendly look with eyes that gently reminded me she wouldn't be pushed under the radar the way girls like me had probably done to her all throughout high school.

"Hmm," I mused, taking a seat in the arm chair closest to Ry's keyboard after hanging my coat up on the rack beside the door, "And here I am writing 25 page papers. So, is this like…a group project?" I asked, trying to sound casual about my confusion over what the _fuck_ she was doing in my boyfriend's dorm room after nine pm if this was _her_ homework. Homework that, from the sound of things, had nothing to do with Ryan. He was majoring in dance, not music or composition or piano or whatever the heck it was Kelsi specialized in. So what was she doing there?

"No, Ryan's just being sweet and helping me out." She gushed, looking up to where he stood beside her with a smile so mushy and gross I started mentally recalling the route to the nearest toilet bowl, just in case. "The song was written for a male voice, and well, I can't exactly sing that low."

"Neither can Ryan." I smirked, stealing the spotlight back as I leaned back in his armchair, legs crossed at the knees. At this point, with my snug red dress riding up slightly due my position, I was just being immature. But it's rather astounding the way jealousy can make one behave. Eyeing the bit of thigh I was allowing to show, Ryan just shook his head, a smirk decorating his mouth.

"You see what I have to put up with?" He asked Kelsi playfully, briefly letting his glance cut to the side at me.

"Prove me wrong." I challenged him, flicking a provocative eyebrow.

"Alright, alright. Prepare to be amazed." He warned me melodramatically. "Hit it Kels."

After exchanging smiles with him, her fingers began plucking at the keys beneath them forming an intro that sounded vaguely familiar. Before I could place the music however, Ryan's voice was softly filling up the whole room, swelling with a pure, strong tone that seemed effortless but was altogether breathtaking.

"I have often dreamed of a far off place, where a hero's welcome would be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer when they see my face and a voice keeps saying this is where I'm meant to be." I could immediately see the parallel between what he was singing and his own dreams. Although I now recognized the song as stolen from the Disney movie _Hercules_, the lyrics sounded so much like a kid who wanted to get up on stage and be a star. That was why he was able to make this song work so well, because he felt it.

"I'll be there someday, I can go the distance. I will find my way, if I can be strong. I know every mile will be worth my while. When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong." As he rounded out the last stanza, Ryan's gaze turned to meet mine and he threw me a flirtatious yet loving smile that I couldn't help but return. The music sunk into my ears, my blood stream absorbing it like a drug and carrying the affects throughout my body. All the doubts that had made me chew on my lip for the past couple days, all the sadness and fear and guilt suddenly dissolved simply from the sound of his voice. Subconsciously, a smile spread across my face as I watched him. The kind of soft, adoring look that made it obvious you were in love glazed over my eyes.

"Down an unknown road to embrace my fate, though the road may wander, it will lead me to you. And a thousand years would be worth the wait, it may take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through." This time the look he gave me was steady through the stanza and full of affection as his voice rose in volume, seemingly filling the whole room all by itself. Those words seemed like a promise and vaguely I wondered if he meant it. Would he still want me after Broadway was within his grasp? After the marquis were burning with the letters of his name? After every girl, not just me and Kelsi Neilson, wanted a piece of him? Listening to the sound and power of his voice, letting it move through me, I sincerely hoped so.

"And I won't look back, I can go the distance. And I'll stay on track, no I won't accept defeat! It's an uphill slope but I won't lose hope, 'til I go the distance and my journey is complete. But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart."

As I watched him do what he did best, I was filled with so much pride and adoration that for a moment I forgot to be jealous of Kelsi. I forgot to care what my friends thought of Ryan or who society said I should be with. I forgot the rest of the world completely and started to realize: Maybe the things that made Ryan different from all the other guys weren't weird. Maybe they were special. Maybe _I _was the lucky one. My moment of crumbling security hadn't been stupid or uncalled for, because in all honesty we _were _oddly matched. Dating a theatre kid wasn't easy and even in the beautiful moments that glossed all the hardships over, I couldn't pretend it was. But my love for him was as real as the difficulties.

"Like a shooting star I can go the distance. I will search the world, I will face its harms, I don't care how far, I can go the distance! 'Til I find my hero's welcome waiting in your arms!"

For a moment afterward there was nothing but the sound of Ryan trying to catch his breath as we stared at one another. Pride, surprise, love, adoration, happiness and even a little bit of lust crackled between us and in that handful of moments neither of us even knew Kelsi was alive, let alone in the same room as us.

"So! What'd you think?" Her perky voice shattered whatever moment we'd been sharing and reluctantly, I let my eyes slide away from my outstanding, ridiculously talented, no-wonder-you-got-a-scholarship boyfriend. But not for too long.

"I think I'm curious about why you picked that song." Though I was staring Kelsi down when I said it, my question had been directed at both of them. It was kind of a bitchy move, considering I had been looking for a specific answer. Some insightful little drabble about how much Ryan could relate to the song and how it made him think not only of how badly he wanted to make it in showbiz, but how he wanted me right there beside him as I did it. Something that would put Kelsi Neilson in her place because I, wearing the crown of popular cheerleader, was _not_ going to be out-shined by a geeky theatre kid in front of my own boyfriend. Unfortunately, karma had other plans.

"Well, it's always kind of been our song, so we thought it would be fun to work on it together."

It took a second for Kelsi's words to sink in all the way but when they did, my face fell with abrupt disappointment.

"What?!" The word was bitten off in the kind of tone that only someone of very few manners would use. Normally that person wasn't me but I really hadn't been expecting to hear that Ryan and his ex-girlfriend still had a song, let alone one with romantic implications.

"Not like, '_our song_'." My boyfriend jumped in quickly, realizing how bad Kelsi's explanation looked, "More like our mutually favorite Disney song, because we could both relate to the lyrics a lot. Plus Kelsi has it in her head that she's Meg, from _Hercules_." At the last bit, the aforementioned composer's face lit up with a playfully offended smile before she used the sheet music in front of her to smack his arm.

"Like you can talk, _Simba_."

"Hey, lion princes are way cooler than Greek skanks." He shot back, giving his best friend a teasing smirk before finding his own sheet music and handing it to her. "Look, Kels it's getting late. Maybe you should head back to your room?"

I was amazed when she actually seemed somewhat surprised by his suggestion. Taking a moment to blink at him once or twice, she forced out a nod and began to gather her things.

"Yah, that's fine." She was continuing to nod as she stood from the piano bench and made her way to his couch, grabbing her messenger bag and slinging it onto her shoulder. "I'll see you tomorrow though? I still have a few measures I need to hammer out, so."

Sparing a glance in my direction, Ryan hesitated for a moment.

"Um, just call me. We'll work something out." He promised, showing her to the door that was only ten feet in front of the piano she'd just been at for God knows how long. But I guess I couldn't hate him for being a good friend. Hanging out alone and flirting with Kelsi however…

"What was that?" I asked softly, my tone more hurt and confused than angry as he turned from the door and offered me an apologetic glance.

"I didn't know you were coming over." He tried to explain, making his way towards me. "If you'd called me, I would have asked her to leave a lot sooner."

Somehow, his words didn't come across as blame shifting at all, even though that was exactly what he was doing. To my ears, he was merely explaining that he understood having Kelsi and I over at the same time wasn't exactly the best idea. As his arms folded around me, I nodded against his shoulder.

"It's not that I hate her, you know."

"I know." He murmured.

"I just don't like the way she looks at you. Or how you don't even realize how much you flirt with her. And I really hate that she understands everything you say."

"What do you mean?" Pulling back, he looked down at me a little confused. "You told me you spoke English. Katherine Brunswick, are you a Russian spy?"

"No!" I laughed, shoving him away gently. A shrug fell from my shoulders when his eyes came back into focus and I was no longer able to resist flirting with him. "Well maybe."

"I knew it." He chuckled, producing perhaps the best Slavic accent I'd ever heard in my life out of nowhere. "Is okay. I work with KGB. Come, we must move quickly before zey discover us."

"Is that so?" I arched an eyebrow. Before I had much of a chance to tease him further however, the breath had been stolen from my lungs as Ryan's warm fingers were suddenly under my knees and he'd swept me up into his arms. Instinctually, I threw my own around his neck, laughing in spite of myself from surprise. "Oh my god! Put me down!"

"I cannot! We must make ze babies before ze Americans come for you!"

Laughing as he kicked his door shut, I shook my head in his arms. This boy was crazy and we had a lot to talk about, but I loved him and it could wait. Besides, time was of the essence. I was pretty sure the Russian mafia would understand.

* * *

There's a lot I tried to convey in this chapter. Sorry if it was confusing. I realize Kate was being a major bitch but I was trying to explore the not so good ramifications that come with being on top of every social scene from Kindergarten on. She's a jealous person anyway but to be threatened by someone like Kelsi isn't something she's every had to deal with and not being able to compete with her (on a musical level) drives Kate crazy. As you just saw lol. And then I also tried to convey how Kelsi would react after being outdone by girls just like Kate her whole life and thinking she'd found in Ryan someone who didn't want a 'Kate'. So anyways, I hope that hot mess made sense. If it didn't feel free to ask questions. A lot of it will be addressed in the next chapter, I PROMISE lol. Happy reading!

-Rachel


	15. The Pout of a Princess

**The Pout of a P****rincess**

"Why don't you and I have a song?" I asked softly as I played with the hand draped across my shoulders. We were laying in his bed, clad in our under things, just sitting in the quiet stillness that often settled in around us after we made love. Sometimes it was a beautiful silence, the peacefulness of which would pass between Ryan and I before rocking us both to sleep. Unfortunately this was not that kind of silence. Though brimming with all our affection, I could feel how stressed out we both were. Could sense a million things burning on the backs of our minds, leaving us too brain dead to even want to speak. However, I hadn't come all the way over to Julliard _not_ to talk.

"Course we have a song." Ryan replied, teasing me with a tone that implied insult from the mere idea that we wouldn't. And yet…

"What is it then?" I challenged, moving out of his arms reach so I could look him in the eye as we spoke.

"My loneliness is killiiiin me!" He belted out, "And I, I must confess, I still belieeeve!"

Purposefully going sharp on the high note, he got a swift but gentle kick to the thigh for his joke.

"Shut up." I laughed, rolling my eyes. But he only continued, reaching into the air dramatically as he closed his eyes.

"When I'm not with you I lose my mind. Give me a siiiign, hit me baby one more time!" As he opened his eyes and grinned all he got in return was the unamused look on my face as I desperately tried to fight off a smile.

"Hilarious." My voice drawled lazily. "I'm so glad Britney Spears dressed up like a Catholc school girl defines our relationship. That's wonderful news."

"Haha, well…if you think about it…" He smirked mischievously.

"Think about what?" My face scrunched up at his suggestion, "How weird it is that you can still recall the words to that song a decade after it was released?"

"Oh, ha ha." His eyes rolled heavenward, "So can every other self-respecting metrosexual."

"Come on Ry, there's got to be _one_ romantic song that reminds you of us." I pleaded, trying to get back on subject.

"Fine." He surrendered with a soft smile, getting up off the bed and flipping through the cd case beside his stereo. "Fine. But you asked for it, just remember that."

With a look that told me I'd been warned, he popped in what looked like a blank cd and hit the next button a few times. As a gentle, orchestral intro wafted through the air, Ry made his way to the side of the bed and held out a hand for me. My eyes were skeptical for only a second before he'd swept me onto the carpeted floor of his bedroom and was suddenly leading me into a waltz. Words I'd never heard before began to wrap around us with all the simplicity and beauty of a children's fairytale.

"Ten minutes ago I saw you, I looked up when you came through the door. My head started reeling, you gave me the feeling the room had no ceiling or floor." A gentle smile made its home on my face as we continued to dance. It must have been a funny picture really. Ryan leading me in elegant circles around his messy bedroom dressed only in boxers and me, trying to keep up with him wearing nothing but Victoria's Secret.

"Ten minutes ago I met you and we murmured our "How do you do's". I wanted to ring out the bells

and fling out my arms and to sing out the news!" Ryan's voice joined the stereo, singing in my ear as softly as if trying to put me to sleep with an old lullaby. "I have found her! She's an angel with the dust of the stars in her eyes. We are dancing, we are flying and she's taking me back to the skiiies. In the arms of my love I'm flying over mountain and meadow and glen. And I like it so well that for all I can tell I may never come down again. I may never come down to eeearth aaagaaain."

The song continued on with female lyrics that seemed to mirror those of her male counterpart. It was probably best that I had never even heard this song before considering my attempt at singing would have likely ruined the moment. So we danced in silence to the sounds of the orchestra as they produced one fluffy, romantic stanza after another. It was a little dizzying considering the waltz had never been a part of any cheer routine _I'd_ participated in. Thankfully Ryan was an outstanding lead and I was pretty good at keeping a beat. The two of us together actually managed to look like we at least had an idea of what we were doing.

I'd never been one for fairytales, only because they were so hard to believe in. But being swept along in those circles, with the warmth of Ryan's hand seeping into my lower back and our rhythm perfectly synched to the music, I felt like the girl in all those stories. A princess in love. How had I ever found a boy like this? Who wasn't laughing at the idea of romance, but who believed in it so strongly that he was trying to make me believe in it too. By then, I should have expected it from Ryan, but he never ceased to surprise me.

As if on cue, the music faded out just as he spun me on the fingertips of one hand before pulling me back in and dipping my upper body towards the ground. Hanging there for only a moment, Ryan gently set me back on my feet, kissing me quickly before taking a step or two back.

"Well?" He quirked an eyebrow, offering up a smile that was all at once curious and hopeful.

"What was that from?" I asked softly, my head still spinning slightly from the entire experience. No boy had ever just grabbed me and started waltzing, let alone to music that lovey-dovey.

"Ah, Roger's and Hammerstein's _Cinderella_, the musical." He admitted, smile growing in intensity as he shrugged. "A couple months ago you said…."

I looked up at him like a little girl who had just had her greatest wish granted and could scarcely believe it.

"When I was a kid, Cinderella was my Disney princess." I completed the sentence, breathless with surprise. I'd told him that eons ago, how could he have remembered it all this time? "So, who does that make you? Prince Charm your way out of anything?" I laughed, my tone a fumbling mixture of unbelieving and somewhat giddy.

"Nice try. But I'm Simba, remember?"

I didn't want to be Debbie Downer but his flippant reference served only to remind me of who had pointed that fact out earlier. Subsequently a frown pulled down my lips a little and I turned away from him, making my way back to the mess we'd made of his bed.

"Yah, I remember." I sighed heavily, slouching lazily onto the mattress.

"Hey," His laugh was soft, almost pitying, as he curled up beside me in a manner much more graceful than mine had been. "What's going on with you tonight?"

When I just shrugged, he took the hand closest to him in his and used the other to brush a few stray strands of hair out of my face.

"What did you mean earlier when you said you hated how Kelsi actually understands what I say? I mean I know you're a Russian spy and everything, but…"

Looking away from him for a moment, I let go of a breathy laugh unable to keep myself from reacting at least a little bit to his jokes.

"You know what I meant." I shrugged, "All that musical theatre crap. It's like you guys speak some other language I'm not in on. All the weird terms and references. How am I supposed to respond when it's like you guys are laughing about a million inside jokes I'm out on?"

"Baby," A guilty sort of sadness wrinkled his features as he shook his head, "Why didn't you tell me it made you feel that way?"

"What would you have actually done about it?" I asked, a little bit harsher than necessary. "That's why she's your best friend Ryan, because she understands that part of you. And it kills me that I never will. It's like what you said before, that if this were a movie I'd end up with the all-star jock in the end. Well, guess what you'd end up with Kelsi."

"Do you honestly believe that?" He asked, challenging me to really delve into my heart and find the answer in a place possessing more depth than a Hollywood camera lens. At that point however, I was too sick of the situation to do a whole lot of delving.

"The Composer and The Choreographer? Seriously? That shit writes itself." I explained, defeat clearly laced within my voice.

"Maybe." He shrugged, eyes avoiding mine with mock thought on the subject before he slid closer and slipped one hand across my shoulders, the other around my waist. "But The Choreographer and The Spoiled-Brat Ivy League Cheerleader sounds way more interesting to me. Besides, you know breaking the rules gets me hot." He smirked.

"Oh yah." I laughed, nodding with amusement as I curled my body around to fit his. "You're a regular rebel-child alright."

A moment of good humor passed between us before my smile fell and I nestled my cheek into the crook of his shoulder. Without warning, Ryan dipped his head to murmur softly, his nose nuzzling against my cheek as he used that oh-so powerful, low and sensual voice of his against me once more. When he spoke like that I could barely breathe let alone refuse him.

"If you're jealous of Kels, we need to talk about it."

"I just feel like I'm competing with her over you half the time. It sounds crazy when I say it out loud, but sometimes, with the way she looks at you, I could swear she's still in love with you. And it's not that I don't trust you…She just makes me feel like I'm not good enough to be with you."

"Welcome to my world." he smirked, a soft chuckle rumbling in his chest. "What a pair we make, huh? Look, sweetheart, I care aboout Kelsi. I do. She's been my best friend for almost two years now. But I fell out of love with her a long time ago."

"You don't act like it." I pouted. "You guys have a rhythm about you that we won't ever have because I'm not a musical theatre person. She is. She can follow sheet music with you and compose accompaniments for your routines. She gets it when you make jokes that steal lines from old black and white movies I've never seen. She knows exactly who you're talking about when you randomly name people in the business. And all I can do is just sit there watching the two of you like a third fucking wheel when in reality? _I_ should be the one making _her_ feel awkward because you and I are so madly in love that she can't stand to be in the same room as us." I admitted childishly, the flurry of words spilling out before I could stop them.

"You sure you're not a drama person?" He teased, the smile he was wearing evident in his tone.

"Baby, I'm serious." Though I certainly didn't sound like it, breathily laughing through my words at his joke. "Girls like Kelsi are the one thing I always thought would never be a problem for me. I guess this is just karma biting me in the ass for having such an big ego." I sighed.

"Hahaha, probably." He agreed with me. "But listen as much as Kelsi and I have in common, I don't want to date _myself_. I want a girl who can keep up with me. Who loves the spotlight as much as I do because I don't ever want to feel like I have to hold back. I want a girl who inspires me, who makes me see things differently. And to be honest, sometimes I have a hard time believing that I not only found that girl, but she wants me back."

A tiny smile decorated my mouth and I arched my neck back just enough for our lips to meet. As Ryan lay beside me, he slid a hand down to the underside of my knee and pulled my leg over his thigh, pressing us closer together in the process. My smile grew against his mouth as our kiss grew in depth. For someone so feminine, Ry had always been one of the most sensually aggressive kissers I'd ever met in my life, somehow able to find the perfect balance of gentle passion at the drop of a hat. It was one of the things about him that had kept me coming back for more almost seven months running. Finally, however, I had to pull away for air or he'd have to use those lips of his for CPR rather than kisses.

"So you never told me." He mumbled, face still just an inch from mine as we stayed tangled up in each other. "Did you like that song for us?"

"Hmm…" My thinking face came on and I did my best to recall the numer he'd played for me. "I diiid, but…" As I've said before, there was _always_ a but.

"But…?" He coaxed me along.

"I don't want to define our relationship with a song from a musical. I mean, it's beautiful and I absolutely loved it. But it's more you than me and this relationship is about both of us."

"Well, who says we have to define anything." He proposed. My ears perked, interested in what he had to say. "In fact, who says we only have to have one song at all? There isn't a song in the world that can fully embody everything I'm feeling."

"I agree." My head bobbed slowly, "So what do you suggest we do?"

"We're not gunna have a song, we're gunna have a soundtrack. Every song that reminds you of me, every song that reminds me of you. What do you think?"

"I think that's a brilliant idea. Aaaand, I think we both need a shower…" I glanced up at him with raised eyebrows, hoping he'd catch on to my use of the noun in its singular form.

"Just one?" Ry played along, an amused spark lighting up the blue of his eyes.

"I'm feeling environmentally friendly." I shrugged, offering him an innocent look for no more than five seconds before jumping up. "And competitive. Race you!"

* * *

**A/n:** I'm pretty happy with how this chapter turned out. What do you guys think? By the way, I wanna know who _your_ Disney Princesses are, so let me know in your review! Mine's Pocahontas :D Although I'm extremely partial to Lilo as well lol And yes...she _is_ a princess. Just a fair warning, I really can't say when the next chapter will be up because I'm trying to figure out exactly what direction I'm going to take with this story, so try to hang in there! Thanks guys - Rachel


	16. Shake It Like A PomPom

**Shake It Like a Pom-Pom**

The bass beat was so loud I could feel it resonating with its own life force in my chest. How was it even possible that Kelsi hadn't heard it? Who just waltzes into a dance studio when someone else is clearly in the middle of practicing a routine? Apparently Ryan's annoying, too skinny, and seemingly omnipresent ex-girlfriend that's who.

"Hey!- ooh, am I interrupting a rehearsal?" Her whole body cringed as though the conclusion that people may be practicing inside a dance studio if loud music was blaring from it were only just then dawning on her. Good lord. And I thought cheerleaders were supposed to be the ditzy ones.

"He-Hey!" Ryan's face lit up and she took it as a sign to cross the room towards him. Rolling my eyes as they hugged, I forced myself to trudge over to the stereo system and pause my mix cd. God only knew how long she was planning on staying. When I turned back around they were still hugging and I couldn't help but cock an eyebrow.

'_Really?' _I thought to myself, _'That can't be normal. How many times can you see your best friend every day for five years straight before it gets old?'_

"What are you up to, don't you have classes all day on Thursdays?" Ry asked, finally taking his arms from around her and moving back into his own personal space.

"I do." Kelsi replied, with a look as though he were crazy and she pitied him. "Day's over Ry. It's five-thirty."

"Ish." I cut in, strutting back over, with what I'm sure was anything but friendliness strung along my features. "It's only five-thirty-_ish_."

"Shit." The curse fled Ryan's mouth in the form of a low hiss and both of us turned to look at him with concern.

"What's wrong?" I couldn't help but spare a glance toward Kelsi as the words tumbled from her mouth at the exact same time mine did.

'_You can back off any second now.' _I growled inwardly, not at all in the mood for her crap. I'd spilled my coffee that morning, broken a nail on the way to my car, tripped up the stairs while running to class, torn my jeans at the knee from the fall and ended up being late to Accounting from having to pick my things up. On top of all that, I had a major term paper due in six days and the squad was no where near ready for the regional competitions that started in three weeks. If Kelsi wanted to play, I wasn't going to be following any rules that night.

"I have rehearsals at 6. I have to go take a shower, I'll catch you guys later." He told us both, regret over having to leave pulling down his face.

"You sure can handle a shower alone?" I teased him, pulling him closer as he made a b-line to grab his phone and water. I'd let him leave in a minute, but not without getting in the last word.

"If I take you with me I'd be defeating the whole point of trying to make it there on time." He mumbled against my mouth, kissing me softly a few times before I got up on my tiptoes and gave Kelsi quite the show.

"Mmm," Ryan finally pulled away, his hands still cradling me against him as he laughed. I didn't normally kiss him like that, let alone in front of his friends. God only knew what was going through his poor, confused, adorable little mind. From the way his eyes were smoldering against mine however, I could take a few guesses. "You _would _do that to me right as I'm leaving."

"I thought you liked being teased." I murmured softly, flicking my tongue playfully over his upper lip.

"Teased maybe, not tortured." He pleaded and finally I relented, coming back down onto the heels of my feet. In a mad rush, he jogged to the side of the room with all the grace and poise that made it obvious he was a dancer, scooping up his things before making a mad dash for the door. Stopping just short of the exit however, he shouted back an ardent request. "Hold that thought though! I'm so getting you back when rehearsal's finished. Tell me you'll still be here?"

"I dunno," I shrugged, an evil smirk on my lips. "You better run just in case."

"Like the wind!" He promised, "Bye Kate! See ya Kels!"

And with the swinging of the studio door he was gone, leaving the room alone with me and Kelsi. As I turned around she was seated at the grand piano in the far left corner, her fingers beginning to pluck at the ivory keys as, behind those trade mark glasses, her eyes searched the sheet music neatly arranged in front of her.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, in as amiable a tone I could muster while walking towards her, hands on my hips.

"I have the studio booked for five-thirty." She explained simply, giving me a once-over before going back to her music.

"I'm sure you do." My voice drawled back, "But we've been over this: it's only five-thirty-ish. I've still got six minutes so you can either get out or sit back and enjoy the show." Offering her a sincere but somewhat bitchy smile, I turned on my heel and marched towards the stereo system. Hitting play, I got into position two feet from the mirror and waited. The intro of Benny Benassi's _Satisfaction_ hit me and I bobbed my head a little as I counted off in my head, smiling as the beat dropped and a remix of _Move, Shake, Drop _by Pitbull throbbed throughout the entire room. Julliard may have been Kelsi's campus, but hip-hop was _my_ arena.

The routine I'd been working on with Ryan came back to me with near flawlessness. Popping and locking was nothing new to me, but gliding the way he did mixed with old school swing moves? Yah, that was a little intimidating. I had to admit though, it looked sick done to this kind of beat and sandwiched between stunts. Ryan could have all the credit in the world for the choreography, but the double back handspring ending in a round off tuck was mine. The track then eased into the cheer section of _Earthquake_ by Family Force Five, which I was all too happy to scream and clap along to while moving back up to the front. Behind me my squad would be doing pyramid stunts during the real routine and up front I'd be dancing with a few other girls, which ended with us all doing sequenced flying spread eagles.

The routine continued on like that, clean pop-locking mixed in nicely with the spins, snapping fingers, and fancy footwork Ryan had taught me, interrupted only by tumbling. As the last song on the custom mixed track, Three 6 Mafia's _Lolli Lolli_, faded I stood in the middle of the room grinning as I held my ending pose. Finally the next track started and I loosened up, my smile ebbing away as I dropped to the floor and began stretching.

Unexpectedly however, the stereo volume lowered enough to make the hard bass of _Let It Go _by Brit & Alex cease vibrating in my sternum. I had arranged that song to play next for a reason, it was my favorite to cool down to. So help me God, if Ryan didn't hurry up, I was going to _kill_ Kelsi…

"I'm trying to stretch, is that okay with you?" I snapped, glaring in her general direction as I sat on the hardwood floor.

"Time's up. You shouldn't listen to your music that loud anyway. You'll permanently damage your hearing." She explained, snottiness wrapped tightly around her words as though this small fact was a demonstration of her clear musical prowess over me. I would happily admit that she was more of a music geek than me. But the hell if I was going to let her get away with turning down the volume to _my_ cd unscathed.

"Maybe someday I'll be so deaf that when you talk I won't even hear anything." I told her, my tone and smile dripping with fake enthusiasm as I watched her sit back down at her piano. The girl in front of me just laughed softly, some might even say a little sarcastically.

"So what was that you were doing? It looked a little too artistic to be cheerleading." She analyzed, looking amused as her fingers played aimlessly and sporadically with the keys beneath them. I rolled my eyes, leaning down to touch my outstretched left toes.

"We have a competition coming up. Ryan's been helping me add some spice to our routine for regionals." I explained, "I wanted to incorporate different types of dance, you know, make it more creative?"

"Creative, I see…Oh, but wait, isn't that what they did on _Bring It On_?" She pointed out, almost as though she was simply trying to make conversation. But the tiny smirk on her face told me she was actually mocking the fact that I cheered. Trying to let me know in an underhanded fashion how people outside of cheerleading still viewed us. Insipid, idiotic, and vapid with a side order of slutty. A few brain cells too short from all the hairspray, maybe? What Kelsi was forgetting was that this cheerleader was Ivy League and had been fiercely competing in the social arena since Kindergarten.

"Heh, that's cute." I chuckled as I stood and stretched my arms, first across my chest and then behind my back. "What, you think because you've seen a Hollywood-typecasted comedy about what I do that you know me? Score one for ignorance. Maybe _that's_ why you're at a school that doesn't force you to use the left side of your brain."

"Right." She gave a dark laugh, "Because _you_ don't have it in your head that since you saw a few kids like me walking the halls of your high school you have me all figured out."

"Actually," Slowly I stood from my lunges and began sauntering towards her. "It's because you're my boyfriend's best friend and because, even between all our differences, we're both still girls who fell for the same thing, that makes me think I know you. Of course, it also helps that you make everything about your socially awkward little self heartbreakingly obvious. That might have something to do with it." I shrugged.

In front of me her jaw set and for a moment I couldn't tell if she was going to hit me or start crying. In the end, she did neither. Just looked up at me with perfect poise and mumbled a few more words on a breath of cynical amusement.

"You're doing such a great job of bumping that stereotype that says cheerleaders are all stuck up bitches."

"And that stereotype about ex-girlfriends who don't know when to let it go? Let me tell ya Kels, you're really putting that one on the map."

For a moment, all she did was blink.

"You think I want Ryan back." She murmured, putting the puzzle pieces together only as the words fell from her mouth. A stunned sort of look crossed Ke face as my jealousy issues dawned on her and then suddenly, the hazy eyes had fled the premises. Out of no where she was laughing ever so softly, nodding to herself as everything fell into place.

Well…you do, don't you?" I asked stupidly, feeling beyond confused and not to mention somewhat humiliated. If she didn't want Ryan back why was she acting like a smitten middle schooler? Why was she always in my face about being so close to him?

"Not even close." She smirked, the piano piece beneath her fingers beginning to take on a structure and melody. "I mean don't get me wrong, he's amazing but things just didn't work out. We're much better as friends."

"Well, I'd appreciate it if you act like it then." I told her, my shoulders slouching in frustration.

"As opposed to…" She cocked an eyebrow.

"Going for the gold medal in flirting? Hanging all over him? Acting like you're still number one in his life."

"Maybe I just don't like the idea of someone like you getting all of his attention. Just because I'm not _in_ love with him doesn't mean I don't love him at all. And then pretty, perfect cheerleader girl struts into his life…"

"You don't like me with Ryan because of my hobbies?" I asked, now beginning to question her sanity.

"We both know it's not about that. It's the whole package. You're the popular girl who makes fun of people like me and Ryan. You don't understand him and you don't deserve him."

My head bobbed a few times as I let her words sink in.

"I get it. You see in me all the girls you had to put up with all through high school. The girls who wouldn't let you sit with them at lunch and never invited you to their parties. The girls with boyfriends that beat up boys like Ryan, called them names like fag and fairy. The jerks who made high school not quite as fun as it could have been for you. I'm not gunna lie to you Kels, I knew people like that. And a lot of times yah, I was that girl. I don't understand theatre most of the time. In fact, in all honesty, I don't really want to. But this isn't high school and my past doesn't seem to bother Ryan."

"Yah, 'cause you're hot and you put out. He's just like any other guy Kate, it's not that hard to figure out."

"Oh please." I laughed, rolling my eyes as my arms came to cross just under my chest. "We both know Ry could get some if he wanted. He's like what, one of five straight guys here?"

In spite of our little tantrum, Kelsi laughed softly at my joke. The bob of her head seemed to be evidence that my exaggeration wasn't off by much.

"Even _he's_ questionable sometimes." She smirked up at me and for a moment I was confused. Were the Wicked Witch of the West and I having a moment of understanding?

"Sometimes." I agreed with her, sharing her smile. "Look, I know it's probably hard seeing the one guy you never thought would sell out date a girl…like me. But this isn't high school anymore Kels, it's the real world. And I _do_ love him. I certainly don't walk around with a skinny, uber metrosexual, aspiring broadway star because it's good for my image. I've had to fight for this since it started, you can't tell me I don't deserve it." I explained, hoping she would understand.

All I got was a nod as her fingers continued to flow across the piano keys with the same flawless grace as a figure skater's legs over ice. From out of her ponytail bits of dark blonde hair fell into her face as she mulled over my words. Finally, the music died off and she turned away from her piano to face me.

"You know, I always secretly wanted to cheer. See what it was like. I just always figured I'd get laughed out of auditions…You think maybe you could show me some of that routine?"

A small smile pulled up the side of my face, "Sure. That sounds like fun. I can't wait to see the look on Ryan's face when he sees that I've convinced you to come over to the dark side."

Kelsi just laughed, getting up and turned the stereo volume back up to full blast.

* * *

So, I'm a douchebag for not updating. I'm really sorry guys it's just that things have been crazy here. That's no excuse 'cause it's crazy in everyone's lives, but last semester was significantly less hectic for me than this one because spring semester comes with a lot more preparation for summer plans and fall semester. Plus I like boys (a lot), which tends to be time consuming *shrug*. I'm gunna wrap this story up pretty soon, with a lot of thing coming full circle but that's about it. If there's anything you feel needs to be resolved or developed further storywise now's the time to tell me. Otherwise we have like...three or four more chs max. And no, I can't guarantee that you'll see those anytime soon. Only that you _will_ eventually see them. I love you all! Please review, I _will_ reply.

-Rachel


	17. Opening Night

**AN:** Hey everyone! Life is finally starting to slow down just a little bit and I'm hopefully going to be able to have time to finish this story over the next month or two *fingers crossed*. Thanks to everyone who's stayed with me, and a big welcome to everyone just now climbing on board with this story. I love you all *hugs*

**Opening Night **

"Whatcha workin' on?" Ryan's hands curled gently around my shoulders as he kissed my neck, leaning around to glance over my computer screen. With a heavy sigh, I threw down the stack of articles and highlighter in my hand, rubbing my eyes as I leaned back into him.

"Another essay. The current trade surplus in Brazil." As I spoke my head swam, eyes bloodshot with fatigue and the stress of staring at a computer screen for the past four hours straight.

"Ew." Beside me, Ry straightened up, his face contorting into disgust at the idea of my essay topic.

"Tell me about it." I groaned, clasping my hands above my head and arching my back in a nice, long stretch. It was only then that I noticed my boyfriend was all dressed up, hair gelled, scarf around his neck as he looked around the kitchen for his keys. Slouching back down in my seat, I watched him for a few more seconds before finally speaking up. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah babe." He chuckled, clearly thinking I must have been joking. But when I didn't respond, his search for his car keys slowed to a halt and he looked back up at me with empty, unbelieving eyes. "The theatre? At school? It's opening night, don't you remember?"

Dread crashed over me and I felt as though life had just sucker punched me right in the gut. My professor had assigned this surprise essay on us just two days ago and between that, getting my final projects together and studying for exams, I had completely forgotten about Ryan's first leading role in a college production. He was going to kill me.

"Babe, I'm so sorry, with the essay and everything I completely forgot."

"It's okay." He forced himself to shrug, renewing the hunt for his keys so as to avoid my eyes and give his hands something to do. "I'll just have them save you a seat, don't worry about it."

If it were possibl my heart sank even deeper.

"No, I…I really don't think I can make it at all."

"What do you mean?" His eyebrows furrowed with confusion when he glanced up at me, pocketing his keys as he now began to look for a hat. They were stacked neatly in the coat closet near the door and I knew there would be no leaving if he couldn't find the perfect one. However, he seemed to know what he'd gone in there for because moments later he had pulled out a woolen newsboy cap.

"Ryan, this essay isn't a joke, I have to get it done. And then I have studying to do and I haven't even _looked_ at my group projects in days…I just don't have the time. I'm sorry."

"Can't you take a break for two hours? I mean come on Kate, you've known about this for months." There was an edge of anger underscoring his tone, but mostly he was just hurt. The sound of it made my stomach twist uncomfortably.

"That's the point of Ivy League Ryan." My head shook back and forth, eyes lowered with remorse. "We don't get breaks."

"Well, what about tomorrow? The show only runs this weekend."

"You know how crazy things get around the end of the year." I shrugged. What was I supposed to do? I couldn't blow off school, that wasn't even an option. But did that mean I had to blow off my boyfriend too?

"Fantastic." He nodded curtly, the lines of his face hardening as he threw his coat on dramatically. "Well, I hope you and your essay have a wonderful time together tonight. Maybe you'll catch a review of the show in the paper on Monday."

"Ryan, I really am sorry." I tried to reach out to him, my eyes begging for him to try and understand. But he wasn't having any of it.

"Forget it." Shaking his head at the door in disappointment, his pale hands came up to signal that I should just stop. There was no point in trying any more that night.

And with that he turned out into the hallway and left me cold and alone in my apartment. I waited up that night with my books and at least three cups of coffee, telling myself I just needed to study. But I knew all I wanted was to see Ryan walk through my door again. To tell me everything was okay. That _we_ were okay. But he never came.

I tried to call his phone, waiting an hour after I was sure the curtain must have closed. Nothing. After the third conversation with his voicemail, I gave up. If he was even looking at his phone he would see that I had called and if he wanted to call me back, he would. But he never did.

Finally, I forced myself to go to bed and as I lay there, staring at the clock that told me it was 3:15 in the morning, I wondered where he was. Who he was with. What they were doing. Whoever it was, I knew _they_ hadn't missed his show.

* * *

I know that was short but there will be much more to come ;) Please review!


End file.
